Each Night

Each night,
the same fantasy visits me
as I wrestle with the details
to make them right
and plausible;

Each night,

on my back or side I lay

which one is immaterial as the

intimate revelations

seem so poignant

and real;

Each night,
I visit dark delights
and oriental pleasures fueling
my imagination of sexual
encounter;

Each night,
I create a torment soul within
me, falling asleep in
opium fields of sheer incarcerations
before anything actually
makes me sleep.

25Sep12

I cannot see beyond
my pre-conceived ideas;
yet, my open mind sees
only those new approaches.

July 24, 2011

distant memories wait on my mental horizon

for recall and replay,

hoping to exert influence over the

aged container that holds them;

eyes blink twice for yes

when open,

remaining closed most of the day;

thick hair that once was

now fills trash cans of forgiveness’s

since the years are filed away in a

convenient office rolodex;

the mouth that kissed a thousand lips

now sips mint tea –

fashionable clothes, in closets, await their return,

deceased friends no longer call;

fearlessly, a world moves on

without interference or comments,

moments feed on moments,

and all the days have been replaced since

I cannot recall why I started drinking tea.


24 Sept 12

in our mental jungles

we hide behind foliage

of our own thoughts,
quicksand is available in
case someone goes too far.

July 24, 2011

So precious is the life we take for granted,

in the living of it as well as in our dying;

holding onto what we have, never appreciating,

yet we taunt

we tease,

we testify and rant;

we attempt to control while
remaining ourselves to be uncontrollable;
we know only when it is gone,
but still rationalize its effects until
one day,
completely alone we are on both sides
of our mind and soul;
we speculate but never wonder why,
never even
dreaming of a why for our justification;
it is all so foolishly precious
as our behaviors ignore the obvious.

September 20, 2012

My heart has been damaged

by the people with whom I have

tried to become friends, finding

only two friendships for me

that have lasted over forty years.

April 20, 2011

Synergy of Time

in death, time has no meaning,
no purpose,
and we have no more destinations
or events to attend;
in life, time guides and directs,
commands and performs,
is given in youth
taken away with age,
seemingly reduced,
limited,

while remaining the same;

times gives harmony and balance,

filtering lives,

protecting us from ourselves,

resting on shoulders

or in pockets,

displayed proudly by punctuality,
or rudely ignore;
in time, time corrects,
cleanses but never bargains,
or reaches a compromise,
like our politicians;
time is our mistress
but never conquers
or tries to control, yet,
we are easily seduced by her,
thinking she is ours,
and perhaps she is if we are willing
to accept the consequences
of life without time.

September 19, 2012

she is a lesbian

and must work with

another female;

she makes advances

when no one's looking

and the straight one

is confused by her

constant refusals.

September 1995

if you play

with me

the I will play

with you;

if you toy

with me

then I will toy

with you;

if you play

both sides

then we will easily

be through.

September 1995

she says I am hot and cold;
I tell her I've turned that way
because she'll tuaght me to
be that way and before long,
I reach out but she says
I'm hot and cold and
not to touch her; so I roll over
and in the morning, I'm
not as friendly, so she withdraws
and says that it is my fault.

September 1995

"Howdy doooo," the man said,

"is it ok to sit here until my boss arrives?"

there was no disagreeing,

so the man sat and sat and sat,
and the boss never came,
and no one bothered to tell the
man that she had left him.

January 1995

                                                            

                                                                we count class codes

                                                                season codes

                                                                area codes

                                                                price and quantity,

                                                                all with the reputation

                                                                of our accuracy

                                                                being questioned.

                                                                                              January 1995

A line is drawn today over which
our enemies must never cross
and while that seems a necessary
 evil, a new line farther out
will be drawn tomorrow and
 on... and on... and on...  until,
 no sand is left on which to draw.

13September2012

quickly and easily does morning arrive,

my appetitie for nocturnal fantasies releases me,

my home within a home fades and dissolves,

no more shadows do I fear from which I hide,

no more guilty memories from which I surrender;

but, as each day unravels I do succomb to emptiness,

far more cruel than I have ever known and it

beckons me with tantalizing whispers that I now

crave its empty, endless void as if sleep was

the perfect fantasy that somehow never ends.

September 12, 2012

we live and we die

          never knowing the purpose


                    or the rationale.  January 1996

Herself

take a long hard look

at yourself she says but

refuses to do that  to herself.

October 1995

she feels she is losing me

but blames me

instead of herself.

October 1995

          we get no marks for being nice

          when that is what's expected;

          but,

          we do get marks for turning away

          when someone spits in our face.

                     January 1996

She dresses

to catch attention

and when someone flirts,

she does not

turn them down, just

lets them know

not today.

October 1995

my heart is

with you but

my mind

tells me to

hesitate

before doing

more damage

to myself and

my future.

January 1996

my mind
feels its way around
undeveloped
thoughts,
connecting and
reconnecting,

attempting to form

a lucent or

translucent

idea from which

a direction

could emerge,

but,

it is blank,

hollow and
empty --
void of the
tangible or
intangible,
sleeping
in a coma;
eyes dart around
an empty
room,
hoping to find

a memory,            
hoping to find
a spark,
but no one
smokes
anymore;
ears,
that once
generated
jokes,
now hear silence
and
are as dead
as the
night from
which I
awoke;
caffeine cries
hinder
my progress;
lips,
spasm without
words;
emptiness,
echoes through
my body like
chemo infusions,
destroying all
with which
it connects

like orange
agents;
and I,
am left with
fleeting
despair
as though
hummingbirds
were leaving their
nector for
journies
south;
daylight,
now encircles
my
abandoned
thoughts,
herding shedherds
true to
their profession,
relentless
in their
boring routines; but,
thankful
nonetheless;
mountain cats,
climb down
terraced
tree-houses,
searching for
slumber as
hundreds of eyes

look                                        
towards the skies
in search of
anything

ancient while

imagining the loneliness

of not being

alone;

like the feelings

I have

around undeveloped

thoughts

developing

because I had

nothing better

to do

today.

September 8, 2012

Ceremony

Some people like the pomp and ceremony
of academic regalia, feeling empower and
admired as they pass student spectators,
who they perceive are enamored with envy;

Some people like the power and control
that wealth brings as they bypass all the
commoners who made it possible for them,
and whose lives are not even distant memories;

Some people just like to stand and watch as
those, emboldened by ego and arrogance,
prance around like peacocks in heat with heads
high, shoulders squared, holding up their illusions;

Some people hope to be like them -
Some people hope to be taught by them -
Some people want to be married to them -
Some people simply see it for what it is.

28Aug12

Shortly after my birth,
my father held me in his arms

to quiet my restlessness

and recently,

I held him in my arms

to quiet his relestness; and,

as I sat there in silence with him,
he coughed up one final gift - the
thought that we had grown beyond
just a father son relationship,
that we had a mutual respect and
had become the best of friends.

November 29, 2002


Note: written on the morning of my father's funeral
and read at the grave site.

Over two hundred moons have I seen
in the night's sky and not one of them
influenced my life like they are now;

Thousands of days have come and gone,
sunrises and sunsets too have appeared,
many of which I simply ignored;

Dreams opened the door to thoughts but
reality shut it back again, shattering the
beveled glass that was so hard to replace;

Time held me close to her bosom,
revealing nothing of her betrayal, turning me
lose after my last doubling of years;

Children's games did not prepare me for
fa future life I would confront while
peers swung me around like June bugs;

Views and attitudes changed, oftentimes when
personalities were locked away in an unwilling
womb like the womb from which I came.

24Aug12

She claimed not to want

their involvement,

but her

smoke screen soon cleared,

when their

converstaion indicated a

sense of close-mindedness.

May 1990

It rained this morning

as I lay in bed

sniffing it back into my head;

it would not change

who I was, just what they

thought of me.

February 1989

bold and beautiful she was,

belong to anther,

his creation,

molded to what he wanted;

all that they knew was
forgotten from an earlier time,
an earlier age,
leaving me to wish for more.

May 1990

two men live together
and nothing is said;
two women live together and
we have a moral crisis.

February 1989

JUST A REMINDER

Seductively, goodbyes bring sorrow as
each tear holds a memory of the
vision we gave each other;
in our mind,

enlightenment abounds in a fury of

remedies and logical alternatives,

making a little clearer why instant

everything is not what

Deming had in mind;

in our hearts,

caring replaces mistrust

and the "Golden Rule,"

leaves us free to take risks;

continuously, we improve forever,

and ever and ever and ever,

never returning to the way we were;

to you this gift has now been given,

empowering you to

rescue those who come after;

for me,

the reminder of you and the

starfish will suffice.

January 1992

If I did not call,

she would;

If I did not stop by,

she would;

but, I did and she

was with someone else.

June 1988

I look at our

relationship

and see

very easily

what we have or

don’t have,

as the case may be,

and I

wonder

is this life

I have

with you

worth it.

May 1996