Tuesday, August 13, 2019

A FEW NEW POEMS


Freshly ­­­Started

we turn our attention to summer

leaving spring behind and forgetting

winter altogether as well we should;

life begins in warm weather as

cold is left for dead and dying souls

and we have been freshly started;

for a few months, we have the

advantage of both the day and

the night but soon over it will be;

then, fate our destiny rests for we

are the ones who have altered

time and space once again here.

27Feb17



Figments

morning is a figment of my imagination

or, at least that is what it seems to be,

since my thoughts have been stolen by

the very aspect of old age, leaving me

with a presumption of innocence from

not being able to protect them so well.

27Feb17



Cat’s Tail

a cat’s tail lays across the floor, its

head points in an opposite direction

and we have left to wonder why it

is the way it is and not some

other way since we arrived in

this new dimension, adjusting

when we can to these illusions

of life being another way from

what it is when we are asleep.

27Feb17



Only Moments

how many years have I wondered in and out

of someone mind just so I could hide from

my responsibilities and obligations, given to

me at the time of my death and only retrievable

the moment of my rebirth into your new world,

forever losing my individuality and all of that

which made me who I was to oppose you and

and your insatiable need to control my life.

27Feb17



forever and a

day passes us by hoping

for something newer.

27Feb17



begin with the end

in mind and your rewards shall

be ever after.

27Feb17



Nightfall

night clings to the darkness

darkness clings to the sight

of something new and bold

while preventing the innocence

of light from contradicting

night’s source, leaving the

blight to continue until a

new dawn is fully announced.

1Mar17



Fulfillment

on the edge of controversy do

we live our lives in fulfillment,

seeing only that which we wish

to see, while ignoring all the rest

of what we do not understand

nor want to understand, since

awareness is the quickest way

to death and death is the only

means by which we can escape

the appreciation of fulfillment.

1Mar17



Voluntarily

there is no cost with doing business

with the devil if one believes that one

or more of them do not exist in this

sector of the mind even though it is

debated on Sundays and afterwards

when eating potluck meals on the

grounds when the weather permits

and those who bring the food are

willing to provide it voluntarily.

1Mar17



Cornerstones

in the heart of circumstance lies contradiction

and facts not in evidence are merely conjecture

that has outgrown its purpose in providing the

truth to those who do not want to hear it at all;

we are ruthless in our abandonment of the

ideals on which truth was built and displayed

for all to see and witness as it became the

cornerstone of violence and put an end to the

peaceful methodologies of debate and arguing.

1Mar17



controversy lies

deep in the heart of hateful

feelings and disgust.

1Mar17



ordinary is

all we ever asked to be

when not sleeping sound.

1Mar17



Limitations

within the fold of the conscious lies

the unconscious territories of the mind

where limitations alter the scope of

reality and provide defenseless modes

of comparison to reconcile that which

is seen with that which is imagined

hoping that reality will fall somewhere

within the two parameters of awareness

and the limitation of virtual realities.

2Mar17

Friends

we extend the arm of help to

who wish it to be so, leaving

those who have no interest in

alliances to fend for themselves,

living or dying makes no never-

mind to us nor was it ever meant

to be anything more than an

olive branch of continuation

with blackberries of deception.

2Mar17



Finally Alone

on the surface of the carpet lies a

foreign face that stares at me constantly

with no other intentions in mind

other than to disrupt my peace-of-mind

each morning that I sit in this seat,

so, I must amuse myself with the

possibility that if I change my seat

that the foreign face with disappear

from view and I will be left with the

sensation of finally being alone.

2Mar17



Curse

darkness prevails no matter how early I awake,

it is always the same…  the morning light is

nowhere to be seen and one can only conclude

that it has been stolen by the darkness and

kept in a place of concealment until the time

of its awakening, has been determined and we

must sleep patiently for that time to arrive or

awaken early and not be in possession of clear

senses which is the black curse of the night.

2Mar17



All I Ask

a chair with a good back

a bed with a firm mattress

a house with a protective roof and walls

and enough money to live simply

is all i ask these days…

except for a pen and paper with which to write my thoughts;

and, of course, a mind from which these thoughts must develop,

but, do I want or need a companion?

Of this, I am uncertain,

and yet, one has been with me all my life

…so, what would i do without

and how would I manage?

but, this is how it’s been and this

Is how it must be…

4Mar17



Seeing is Believing

What do you see in the mornings when you arise my friend?

Is it that which you would like or tolerate once the makeup is removed?

Is it that which you would allow others to see?

How desperate are you to or perhaps a better question would be to awaken?

And, as your day arrives and passes what did you do?

What did you accomplish…  that might cause you to awaken tomorrow?

You live on borrowed time my friend and do not see it or if you did would admit it…

And yet, it is here with you every day,

Every day you awake and journey to the same mirror to acknowledge who you are.

As funny as it may seem to you…  but, when you see you believe.

4Mar17



Available

how silly i am to wonder

as i do these mornings

when alone with my cats

i ponder the universe

and my place within it,

hoping to case purpose

and meaning to my existence

that, in my case, appears

to be a little misplaced;

still, we all have works to perform

people to meet and things

to accomplish resemble a

an answer to our pondering,

but still i wonder in a debating

playful way what it is precisely

for which i am here and available.

4Mar17

Sunday, August 11, 2019

NOTE TO MY READERS

I sorry for not posting poems for a while.  Please let me explain.  Twelve years ago, I was diagnosed with Lymphoma cancer and have been enduring chemo treatments on a monthly sometimes bimonthly basis.  Needless to say, this constant barrage of inserting toxins into my body has left me with a low immunity system, constant fatigue, daily nausea, and on-going flu-like symptoms.

Ten years ago, I suffered a severe heart attack that should have killed me outright had it not been for my extremely healthy body that had created hundreds of tiny vessels that created my own internal bypass.  My Surgical Cardiologist wanted to perform a triple bypass because my LAD was 100% blocked and the two other major arteries on the left side of the heart were blocked 90%, but I located a Surgical Cardiologist who cleaned out my arteries and after 12 months and 3 heart surgeries, 5 stints had been inserted.

Six years ago, a Melanoma was cut off the bottom of my left foot.  Apparently, some of the chemo toxins that had been given to me (Cytoxin & Fludara) have a history of changing the body to make it susceptible to attract Melanoma.

Eighteen months ago, that Melanoma migrated to my groin in a very aggressive fashion and because of the extensiveness of the Melanoma and its location, surgical removal was not possible; therefore, my only other alternative was radiation along with immunotherapy; so, along with my monthly chemo infusions, I was now having monthly immuno infusions of Opdivo & Yervoy.

According to the research (largely conducted by MD Anderson in Texas), the best approach for someone in my condition was Opdivo along with intense Radiation.  And so, I went through 6 highly concentrated doses of Radiation lasting about 30-40 minutes each.

My Oncologist was fighting Lymphoma and Melanoma and decided (again according to the research) that I should be on immunotherapy which now consisted of 2 Imbruvica pills daily.  These pills cost somewhere between $12,000 to $15,000 monthly with my costs being $3,000 monthly; however, I was able to receive a grant that has been paying my out-of-pocket costs.

Lucky me...

Six months ago, I discovered a rather large lump in my neck and when it was surgically removed, pathology informed my surgeon who informed me that it was Melanoma, but DEAD Melanoma...  so, the Opdivo/Radiation worked exactly as it was intended to work.

All of this...   this entire cancer journey so far has left me extremely fatigued and slightly depressed which has caused me to stop posting poems...  especially since my stats indicated that not many people were reading my poems.

Ironically, I started this poetry blog because I wanted to post my poems and I did not care if they were read or not...  I guess I really did not believe this after all.

Anyway, I am going to start publishing new poems soon...   so stay tuned and tell a friend if you don't mind...

Thanks for your patience