pathways through which
I have become whole,
mind...
heart...
soul...
leave me empty still,
unfulfilled...
with a need
to be needed and a
desire to remain
anonymous...
dangerous when pursuing
enlightenment,
but,
no one's married yet.

28Mar13

she is deep within my
subconscious mind,
but she still affects
my point-of-view;
she is not my partner
but my advisory,
and we compete
constantly for that
which we call
control...
we were each other's dream
at least for a while,
but the fighting,
bickering, and
"put downs,"
took its toll and we
found ourselves
in limbo...
not wanting to continue;
my conscious is clear,
at least so it seems...
or for a while
as we pursue
individually...
what we want to do; but,
each day pushes
us farther and farther away,
and we both fear,
I speculate,
we will drift too far
and have no desire
to turn ourselves
or our
relationship around.

March 1999

each morning,
these words
flow out of me
as if
I had been
thinking about
them for days;
when in reality,
they have been
inside me
all my life,
and they,
jut now chose
to surface
and be put
on this paper
of mine...

March 2003

I want to believe
that we are here,
that I am here
for some purpose...
it seems very strange
jut to live for eighty years
and have everything
after that...  nothing...
although, I guess
it is entirely possible.

March 1999

You see me
as you want
to see me
and I
see you as
someone
I don't want
to know
as a result
of what
you see.

March 2003

will you take me
into the shadows
of you dark life;
will you board me
like a bus?
will your have as much
compassion for me
as you do the cats,
and will...
our lives be happy
together as long as
you have something
on the side?

March 1999

I see myself

in the crowd

and wonder why

I am there and

not at home

doing what I'm

supposed

to be doing.

March 2003

years of sorrow
years of doubt
years of happiness
years of love
years of uncertainty
years of faith
years of sunrises and sunsets
years of knowledge spat out
like some bitter tasting drink,
forecloses on a life
disjointed and out-of-sync.

18Mar13

wrinkled hands
match a
wrinkled brow
having seen
much too much,
and no longer
do these
wrinkled hands
wash as clean
as before...
lost integrity
and forgiveness
maybe but
still shake strong
when meeting new.

18Mar13

time takes no prisoners nor

does it stop for passengers,

as it relentlessly moves in

unanticipated directions,

leaving death in its wake as

progress rejuvenates the desire

that it eventually can be controlled.

18Mar13

Ravaged by sickness and disease
our bodies long for the Spring
and the warm and gentle growth
of inspiration that carries us
ever so easily into a frosty Fall.

18Mar13

we form circles in our minds

when thoughts become confused

and we drift from one side to the

other like a boat without sails in a

bottomless lake of forgotten memories.

18Mar13

time hides behind age
and age hides behind life
and life follows birth
and birth follows conception
and conception is a fantasy
that is brought about by hope
and hope is a gift that
was given out of grace and
grace is a by-product of faith
and faith is an illusion
that we hold onto when time
no longer stands beside us.

                                                                                  18Mar13

Eyes

peer into my eyes
and see if you can see
what I have seen...

peer into my eyes
and witness the passage
of linear time that provides
non-linear memories...
peer into my eyes
and grasp the simplicity
of failure that fuels the
minds of casual deceit...


peer into my eyes
and be foretold of all the
doom and gloom that
was once our heritage...
peer into my eyes
and embrace the progress
that prevents advancement
and allows few to escape...
peer into my eyes
and capture the soul
of my universe which  has
become so tiny that it now
sees no inner peace.

16Mar13

They return with riches

far beyond what might

have been expected,

and as the stars

move along a westward course,

they move east and

when they finish for the night,

they thank no one...

but themselves, thinking all along

their accomplishments

resulted from their own toil.

 

September 1995

we suspend our feelings
in lieu of the happiness that
comes with financial security.  15Mar13

back doors open frequently

when the hinges on the front ones

become to loose to repair.    15Mar13

go for a walk

with me,

beside the lake,

after dinner,

after dark,

arm-in-arm,

like we used

to be, pretending

to be lovers

who just met.

September 1995

You wonder
who I am
and
what I'm
going to do...
but, if those things
are of concern to you,
you must have
done something
to feel I might
think that way.

September 1995

She blames him for
everything that has
happened to her,
and when he resists
her comments, she
says he has changed;
it is always
someone else,
never her,
and no one is ever sure
how long it will
last that way;
so, more and more
time is spent
away from home
and it seems a
pity to love like that.

September 1995

you attract men
of all ages
so when you say
your beauty
and your body
are nothing special,
I say to you,
"you're full of it."

September 1995

she was no more
mine than a strangers
which is how she wanted it,
not to belong to anyone
yet be taken care of,
and I knew after a
while that I did not
want something like that.

September 1995

 

I have made a list

of all the shit that

is now hanging over

my head to be done,

but I have not the

slightest inclination

to get any of it done,

today or for that matter,

any other day soon.

 

9Mar13

Sleep

my sleep is broken

up by a restlessness that

focuses on you.

March 1999

what am I
looking for
is the
question,
that is
constantly
on my mind
of late,
but,

there is a fear

of trying
and failing
and being
treated poorly
for what
I cannot do.

March 1999

everything is ok and
I don't need to leave
but I worry that my
crying wolf will some
how get the best of me.

March 1999

there is a numbness
resting over me,
not exactly apathy but
not really motivated
to much of anything;
there is a marriage
in the balance
but very few feelings
left to save it...
a lifetime of the same,
repressions of feelings
like a time bomb inside,
a path of self-destruction
and my caretakers are
no more interested in me
than in the thousands
for which they care...
a resoluteness hangs
over me, a finality
from which I cannot
seem to break away.

March 1999

Morning awoke in heat
and I sweated while shaving
but the hot coffee seemed
to equalize my body.

June 1988

 

lessons were learned

from the contract he

had made with his wife

that, much to his regret,

kept him from being

with the woman he

knew he really loved.

Jun 1988

over the years

 

we have grown closer

in our futile attempts

at growing apart.

 

Jun 1988

 

 

 

  

I watched your memory

Disappear from my view

Only to reappear again,

Repeating the cycle until

You decided how I felt.

Jun 1988

 

 

 

 

 

truth hides inside the envelope of

of desire and without stamps will

never be opened until someone

comes along with the right postage.

Jun 1988