FORTUNATE

Retrospective and reflective, I have become

a backwards glancing addict

second guessing outcomes and unintended consequences,

I discarded along the shoulders

of my traveled back roads

like finding a rediscovered country of

precious mental yard-sell memorabilia;

How wondrous are my discoveries,

working the 'what if" scenarios down to a science,

predicting all the lost outcomes that I have associated

With all the non-existent string researchers I know,

Who,

Indulge themselves with probable possibilities…

I am who I am or was or will be… I keep telling myself;

And this exercise is as useless as predictions of the weather!

I see only what I want to see…

hear only what I want to hear…

and if,

there is an opportunity to change the past,

then, how else

can I judge myself… if

these pre-existing internal audits are not performed?

and if,

my pre-arranged

fixed path

were to have gone another way

my predilection for this addiction

would still remain

as my

un-treatable, un-insurable, pre-existing condition

could be unfortunate.