Take Me Home

standing barefoot in my mental desert
I gaze upon the barren environment
and see faces in the sand, reflections
from the sky clouds representing
those who would have me removed
from their lives...  those who see me
as a curse, a hindrance to happiness
they have pursued in my absences...
alone and independent, I am forsaken
and abandoned by the false love that
reached out to me pretending she was
my salvation...  my answer to a life of
constant failures...  a life riddled with
disappointments to both family and
friends with whom bread was broken;
tears roll down sunburned cheeks as
the pain reminds me of the pain that
swarms inside me like angry hornets
looking for an opening from which
to escape their nocturnal nests...
onto my knees I fall, my hands sink
into the hot sand, keeping me from
laying prone on my death bed...  the
air is filled with humidity as it enters
my lungs and evaporates...my heart
pounds inside as I look for a way out
of this fantasy nightmare...  images of
my past flash by behind my eyes and
I am unable to name anyone...  a life
for a life is what they say, but I have
no other life to offer except those who
tend to my failing health...  two dead
parents hang around my neck like a 
death necklace that teases me with an
opportunity for life and I long for the
end of it all as my final debt payment.

February 21, 2024

Introspection

wandering aimlessly inside our mind

looking for truth and absolution, we

find thoughts, phrases, and imaginations

instead, mixed with revelations, dreams,

and fantasies, trying to separate good

from evil in an attempt to maintain a

sustainable balance throughout life,

always hoping we have done or will 

do the right thing when called upon...

we mix courage with aggression and

failure with weakness, shifting the

responsibility when we disagree with

the outcome we have been given...

we search for excuses and explanations

thinking truth a justice will prevail

when history always favors the victor

and has little to do with right or wrong;

our minds nudge our bodies into action,

we search for root causes that justify

our actions, only to find that we acted

inappropriately or too late...  grace lies

on the floor with unreasoned apologies,

standing our ground when there is no

ground on which to stand, only quicksand

and water that allows us to float away

into to darkness of our subconsciousness.

February 19, 2024

\

Assigning Blame

cats who howl at the moon

cry when it disappears...

dogs who bark at each other

mourn their loss when inside,

birds fly from one life to another

while rabbits begin families 

with no thoughts of the future;

life moves on, birth and death

consume us all with a clear

misunderstanding of purpose,

duty falls on the back burner

since we eat most of our meals

at the local restaurants and

diapers are purposed for both

the old and young when they

cannot control their urges...

it is a modern day in which

we all live, pointing our fingers

at the past as if that is where

all our problems began, even

though that water cannot be

returned to the other side of the

dam nor can we change that

which we already accomplished.

February 19, 2024

A Remembered Honeymoon

two palm trees and a sandy beach
an orange sky - a bright sunrise
a bucket of coronas by a chair
seagulls flying to nowhere...
the ceramic tile on the mantel
tells not the whole story now;
we were one and inseparable in
our pursuits of love, discovered
on a Cancun beach years ago,
that love grew and lasted for over
thirty years when one of us decided
a new adventure was in order...
the funeral was brief but sweet and
the music played was her favorites,
only a few family members were
there along with some friends,
many of whom not remembered
by me expressed their condolences;
alone in the house I sit, gazing at
ceramic tile and remember fondly
those days spent in the sun and 
all the fun we had, deciding what
meals to have since all the menus
were in Spanish...  and while many
years have passed since we were
there, I remember only the beer.

February 18, 2024

Cancer Sickness

my heart pounds loudly inside of me
the pressure inside builds...
my eyes water and my stomach feels empty
my knees begin to buckle
my body instinctively bends over,
nausea wretches up from below
burning as it travels - a weakness appears
in my lower extremities as I 
begin to lay down on the porcelain...

my mind voluntarily leaves my body...
I can feel the heart pumping
I can feel my breathing increasing
my skins feels clammy and wet as
sweat pour out of my upper body and
begin to shiver while being over-heated,
my breathing turns shallow and
i turn on my side, laying my head
on the cooled tile - my arm outstretched,
my body arches up like a scared feline
my stomach regurgitates its contents
but nothing appears - my body arches up
farther and farther - harder and harder
my stomach pulls up from within,
 an acidy liquid finally escapes and I
lay down my head out of exhaustion,
my body is covered in sweat like I had
just stopped out of the shower...
the heat has disappeared and all I notice
is a chill from head to toe - too weak to
move - too weak to cover myself...
as my breathing calms so too does the
beating of my heart...  no longer do I
care about anything round me but
I need to get up and dry off and sleep.

February 15, 2024

Four Haikus - Part II

Thirty years or more
Our love has front row seats in
Life’s roller coaster.

Persistent patience
Sees us through the days, weeks, and
Those short and long years.



Forever is how
we perceive the love given
each other daily.



Side by side love sits
In the behaviors we have
Grown accustomed to.

February 15, 2024

Four Haikus - Part I

Thirty years or more
the value of our love has
been really tested.

Life steals away our
Youth but not our love that we
Affirm constantly.



Our love’s intertwined
Roots sink deep into the soils
Of our heritage.



Comfortably, our
Love rests in rocking chairs on
Our final front porch.

February 15, 2024

Our Protector

in the middle of a crowd, I stand
unknown and unseen...
dressed like everyone else in
blue jeans, tennis shoes, a knit
shirt and a baseball cap...
sunglasses cover my eyes and
polarizing lenses block out the sun,
no one can see me looking at them;
days before I crouched in front
of a fireplace, mapping our my
strategy, planning on both getting
caught and possibly escaping...
around me, I see the hollow souls
that are about to die in ignorance
not paying attention to all the signs
spread out in front of them...
males and females of various ages
have come to see the spectacle
and will see the show of their lives
as the heavens dance in and out
of the clouds in order to accelerate
their forward movements...
children will grow up parentless
and will form inappropriate parings
as a result of their discomfort...
I will consume it all as I have always
done in order to protect the future.

February 15, 2024

Our Clingy Nature

reflections in a wall of windows
an expanding immense universe,
lights that look like starbursts
objects hanging in suspension,
minds linked together with chips
computers that control environments,
we live in a world of possibilities
and endless combinations when
two or more interchangeable parts 
in the same gravitational quadrant
are seen through a telescope...
neural connections that can be
controlled remotely and bands of
light that bend around planets and
stars on their way to earth tell the
story that we've been longing to hear,
ripples in time and space and worm-
holes that take us into dimensional
space are spoken of in unpublished
abstracts strewn about on the nearest
kitchen table since no one else in 
the family understands the lies of
theoretical physics we cling to now.

February 13, 2024

Homelife

native Americans sleep in tents

some fashion houses in trees,
Inuit's remain in igloos when cold
descends upon their tribal lands,
others live trailers or log cabins,
using nature for their business,
leaves, straw grasses, pine needles,
we admire our modern conveniences
as they keep us inside, no longer
disturbed by eagles and hawks as
they fly by unexpectedly...  homes
made into the sides of mountains
or dug out deep into the earth, we
find space wherever we can and
always hope for the best...  stars
in the sky point the way home or
to hunting lands both north and
south as only water in the other
directions we have been told by
the ancient spirits...  coverings
made from animals keep us as
warm as we can be and fish from
the rivers and streams fill out
empty bellies...  we are desperate
to see the sun and blue sky again
cleansing our bodies dancing in
the summer rains - we live day to
day in our little worlds, caring
not for outsiders who pass by on
their way elsewhere, and with our
weapons, we let them know to 
keep on moving away from here.

February 13, 2024

Poised and Ready

our backs turned towards the sun
attention focused on the trees
barren with their winter limbs,
roots covered in dirt and leaves
snow piled up around trunks...
birds fly out in mass like the end
of a shift or an ending service in
the house with the cross on top;
our enemies see not our strategy
nor do they see the simplicity of
our thoughts that lure them in...
we are one with the earth, hearing
their movements in the ground
beneath our feet... carefully are
we composed as we turn to do
battle with these trespassers and
they us who they perceive as an
easy prey and not prepared...
arms raised wide for battle, heads
high with clinched teeth and fibers
of every muscle - tensed and ready,
the winds howl past the battle as if
it is of no lasting consequence at all.

February 12, 2024

Connected

music from South Korea
plays on the smart phone,
its words not understood
but the melody is pleasant,
drama filters it way through
this house of ours as if 
that war never ended...
and the one we fight this
day is composed of words
and strange music that
flows off tongues of actors;
our world is smaller than
it has ever been before,
and to the web everyone
is connected  - no need
for stamps and mail as 
we can talk instantly and
see each other on the 
screes as if being in the
other room they be...
music, not language is 
what sweeps the universe,
keeps us connected and
paus the bills that feed
our foreign families...  it
is the nature of things in
new strange world of ours.

February 12, 2024

The Ancients

floating aimlessly throughout the heavens
gods engage in battles with other gods who
are in fear of growing old, testosterone in
their veins for a millennium...  mating with
the stars in order to create planets of life
on which they will rule from time to time,
centurions guard the galaxies and cosmic
priests provide eternal salvation for all 
those who bear witness creator who dwells
on the edge of everything, wielding power
as though fear needs constant stimulation,
intergalactic handmaidens are sent to tease
the gods who would be more than they are
but doing so unknowingly since greed exists
not in their vocabularies...  colliding dimension
revolve around the core of existence and star
wizards use crescent moons to fish from...
the universe expands and contract from the
pressure provided by the dark energy that
holds it all together, deciding arbitrarily 
which planets will live or die and which 
ones will offer life, then take it all away...
gods roam the universe like fish in an
aquarium without the benefit of guidance
provided by the one who started it all.

February 9. 2024

Just Another Day

families know not what they believe
individuals step out of line
soldiers fall on their swords and
leaders bite their fingernails...
the wealthy help not the poor 
the poor steals from those above
and sea gulls remain at the beach
during thunder storms...  we are
a curious breed of humans who
kills for pleasure, placing their
trophies in safety deposit boxes
in the credit unions while banks
scramble to sell loans...  the north
fears the rise of the south and the
south detests the rudeness of their
northern neighbors...  but unite
when a common foe appears...
progressive and liberal we trace
our heritage back to the WASPs
and it it always the young that
rejects and changes the past...
ponytails on males and crewcuts
on females, we switch roles as if
there is no tomorrow only todays.

February 9, 2024

Depression's Birth

the road ahead is straight
not uphill nor down nor
curving side to side...
a loan figure walks in the
darkness looking for light,
children play marbles on
the side of road while the
older once toss the dice...
a loan figure walks past
the fog and into the rain,
clutching at his head as if
preventing something that
wants to leave...  holding
a head in his hands he cries
out for forgiveness but
receives none, t least that
he is aware...  mercy takes
him on a ride from which
few have returned - death
is welcomed in the interim,
mostly we say hello or say
not a word, gathering up
our faculties to fight, and
once posed to run, we are
capitulating and screaming
for nurses to put us to bed.

February 9, 2024

Controlling Minds

morning rests itself just outside my door

like an impetuous child I open it

sunlight floods my space - blinding me,

the day has began by announcing itself

we begin our rituals by accepting it,

dusk until dawn we prepared ourselves

the alarms bring it to our attention,

we forfeit nothing for the day and

nothing for the night we just left...

we owe the bookkeepers our labor

we earn on our productivity

we see little of the proceeds but we

continue anyway as we have done

for years and our fathers before us,

we are determined, resolute in our

thoughts and concern, expressing then

to our bosses since their bosses would

to know our state of mind and if we

felt disenfranchised and so much so

as to no longer need to work inside

the minds of those who control us.

February 9, 2024

Coast to Coast

warm weather swarms through the south

atmospheric rivers deluge western lands

wintery snow blanket the mid west and

river boat rides move up through the delta,

diversity is our namesake and we rule the

day when it is not...  no longer will we be

same as we were before...  a mixture of

tolerated beliefs and actions combining

into an iron man of sorts - a defender

of the weak and poor - the answer to our

doubts we so closely cherished when

guided by the stars and heavens...  dark

souls were born, some created, others

resurrected but regardless of their origins

have migrated into our veins and there is

no vaccine to counteract the damage...

wicked weather winds its way across

our lands with no indications that it 

cease, desist its actions anytime soon.

February, 7, 2024

War Winds

winds of war have flow over earth
since mankind was old enough to 
fight with their hands and later with
sticks and stones and even later with
spears, bows and arrows...  males
have always wanted to kill other
males for pleasure rather than out
of necessity...  other animals kill to
survive but not human beings...
we kill out of greed and our lust
for power and control...  and if it
is not us doing the killing, then
it is our proxies - young males
and females in their prime with
nothing better to do that to join
the military and be sent to kill;
our religious beliefs be damned
when it comes to killing as faith
has nothing to do with war yet has
been the reason for it over thousands
of years or more...  our Christian
wars were brutal yet we are never
informed how bad it was, least we
loose our faith from this truth...
but, the Muslims remember and
and continue to wage endless wars
against those barbarians entering
their lands and telling them how
they were going to live their lives.

February 7, 2024

Differences

we float in the river of doubt everyday

as we ignore those who came before,

our own rules and regulations, we

force on the minds of others like the

atmospheric rains that calm our souls

and replenish our fields with food

from the gods fit for mortals...  we

consume desperation figuratively

and are chastised for our beliefs;

the ability to doubt is magnified by

the age of it - no better than swollen

glands in the neck...  mother of all

things rejoices in our separation.

our inability to give in - facing the

music of bands we have always

disliked during our youth...  rock

and roll embodies our resistance

and solidifies the joy in our hearts

that we have due to our difference.

February 5, 2024

Past Lives

comes the daylight - comes the sun
comes the insects just for fun,
slow and sure the day begins
whether it be winter, spring or summer,
our paths have never been more clear;
we reach high into the sky for answers
that no one sees where we stand,
our badges of courage have been
taken away - now belong the them...
them is who we fight against
them is who do not understand
them is where our future lies
them is who replaces our souls...
comes the morning - comes the day
comes the home of the brave,
no longer what we used to be and
far from where we ought to be,
we are the survivors of the past,
a lost generation in spacetime,
never to be seen again and never
to be retrieved from our illusive past.

February 3, 2024

Wonderland

isolation curbs our primordial thoughts

survival dictates the rules

fight or flight enters the minds

betraying our lust for life,

from desert sands to sandy beaches

from frozen tundra to grassy plains,

we are there when doubts and

wondering are no longer popular;

cities and towns along the way

flourish or diminish in size as we

proliferate our species - the wild

animals seek refuge elsewhere

when humans come to town...

we are thoughtful and thoughtless in

our approach to life as we seek to

dominate our surroundings, and when

all the parties conclude we are left

will a handful of wonderland crumbs.

February, 3, 2024

Warm Agreements

open doors and open windows
summer warmth in winter,
cats on the deck toying with
venturing out into the yard,
sunroom temps making it
convenient to sit out there...
fish on the bottom of the pond
wondering if it is healthy to
swim to the surface rather
then semi-hibernation...
crews of ants marching from
one house to the other in 
search of a place to stay,
tired of having the responsibility
for so many families...  sun
beckons itself inside, like an
expected intrusion, glad to see
the needle move red instead
of blue - not to be confused
with political colors...  a day
of change is good for the
soul and good for the mind
as long as we are in agreement.

February 2, 2024

Disgruntled Snowbirds

sun gushes into the sunroom
softening its coldness,
shadows hide in the corners
cats on their trees bask
in the winter warmth, finally
realizing its not getting warmer,
stuffed animals lean against windows
not caring about temperatures,
not understanding time or seasons;
ice sickles hang from tree limbs melting
onto the ground for birds without
the inclination to fly south...
dogs slip on frozen leaves as they
chase after fluffy cats, overfed
by their obese owners...
wolves waiting outside backdoors
for table scraps show no manners,
while bears wash themselves in
uncovered above ground pools;
we are free to come and go but
show no signs that we are leaving.

February 1, 2024

Immigrant Winter

immigrant winter arrives early or late
it matters not...
cold and icy winds prevail,
we ignore the needs of our neighbors
temporarily to take care of our own,
we cooks hot soups and sandwiches
sharing them with the crowds
that linger around homeless shelters,
not looking for work per se
but for warmth and comfort...
we tip the scales of justice to 
our advantage, offering a little
peace of mind and reassurance,
tires with chains tear up city streets
public works has no plans to fix,
thawed chickens, overpackaged
for resales lay on the shelves
as illegal immigrants steal them
to trade for fentanyl and children
use to calm their unanswered anxiety.

February 1, 2024

Koi Time

time arrives at our mental doorsteps in spirts
at various times during the day and night
at various stages of our undeveloped lives
but especially so when we are about to die;
time moves inside its dimensional boundaries
left, right, forward and backward, casting
shadows in which we attempt to hide from it;
a fabricated lie becomes the truth when time
creeps inside through our multitude of doors,
even though these doors always remain closed
and locked - opened only with the key that we
hide deep inside our subconsciousness...
time inflates itself when applicable and dilates
itself when necessary - leaving us small and
insignificant...  we swim in our mental ponds
like Koi, swimming close to the aerator and
popping bubbles with our lips - noticing not
those who have visited with their fishing poles/.

January 31, 2024

Spacetime

along the corridors of time and space

we move from galaxy to galaxy

searching for that which is illusive...

the creator of it all...

the mastermind behind the universe,

the one who set it all in motion

a millennia ago...  perhaps longer...

we face our fears and apprehensions

as we move about unnoticed,

taking turns influencing civilization

we have encountered along the way,

giving them hope instead of despair,

teaching them to see beyond...

into the realm of the spirit,,,   the ghost

who prowls the night skies.

i an effort to redeem souls and offer

everlasting salvation...  we are they

who you fear, who you misunderstand

since we are the guardians of it all.

that which you mortals call spacetime.

January 30, 2024

Today's Obituary

up and down our temperatures go
like a frigging yoyo...
it is winter in the south,
rumors of snow lurk around every
corner these days waiting to be
discovered...  enthusiasts point to
global warming when convenient
and blame the conservatives 
when it is not...  we sit in rooms
layers of clothes encouraging the
heat to come or way, knowing it
has been blocked by executive
orders wishing we lived farther
south so we could invite illegal
immigrants to dinner...  we relied
on experts to tell us the truth but
discovered their lies, too late for
tar and feathers...  we robbed
Sally to pay Sue because we
could not Perer and Paul...
thinking they must have left town
without giving a two week's notice,
and even if they had, it would
have made no difference...  we
are dead on arrival, we just have
not arrived at the right place yet.

January 28, 2024

Past Sight

how green grows the grass in our 
mental backyard?  do we tend to
the soil or just let is waste away?
stroll with me through memories
both bold and weak and let us
together enjoy the past we will
never experience again...  photos
lay dormant in boxes places on
shelves gathering dust, only to be
retrieved when there is a death...
mental images grow weaker with
age as faculties diminish and we
fight the battles of old age and
disease that ravishes our bodies;
how well did you ten your garden
when you were young and full
of the life that is now slowly
seeping out of your veins?  We
are reminded each day of our
memories, most of which are
now only good ones as we have
selectively discarded the bad...
walk with me and try to see the
past for what is really is today.

January 27, 2024

Borrowed Children

dark night - jet black - ominous

streetlamps obscured by fog,
creatures walk around in shadows
moving silently through darkness,
unnamed and unseen they crawl
to their destinations, darkened 
by their appearances...  as if
painted on the face for all to see,
and the ones who care are inside
hiding behind the doors, blending
in with the corners that were at
one time rounded, not squared;
we drop coins in the collection
plates for protection but receive
only words of forgiveness...
magnets pull us inside ourselves
as we dare to be outside and the
darkness grows on us like stink
grows on the world around us,
we are refugees in our own homes
as the dark night extends its realm
of influence over our minds and
those of our borrowed children.

January 25, 2024