Take Me Home

standing barefoot in my mental desert
I gaze upon the barren environment
and see faces in the sand, reflections
from the sky clouds representing
those who would have me removed
from their lives...  those who see me
as a curse, a hindrance to happiness
they have pursued in my absences...
alone and independent, I am forsaken
and abandoned by the false love that
reached out to me pretending she was
my salvation...  my answer to a life of
constant failures...  a life riddled with
disappointments to both family and
friends with whom bread was broken;
tears roll down sunburned cheeks as
the pain reminds me of the pain that
swarms inside me like angry hornets
looking for an opening from which
to escape their nocturnal nests...
onto my knees I fall, my hands sink
into the hot sand, keeping me from
laying prone on my death bed...  the
air is filled with humidity as it enters
my lungs and evaporates...my heart
pounds inside as I look for a way out
of this fantasy nightmare...  images of
my past flash by behind my eyes and
I am unable to name anyone...  a life
for a life is what they say, but I have
no other life to offer except those who
tend to my failing health...  two dead
parents hang around my neck like a 
death necklace that teases me with an
opportunity for life and I long for the
end of it all as my final debt payment.

February 21, 2024

Introspection

wandering aimlessly inside our mind

looking for truth and absolution, we

find thoughts, phrases, and imaginations

instead, mixed with revelations, dreams,

and fantasies, trying to separate good

from evil in an attempt to maintain a

sustainable balance throughout life,

always hoping we have done or will 

do the right thing when called upon...

we mix courage with aggression and

failure with weakness, shifting the

responsibility when we disagree with

the outcome we have been given...

we search for excuses and explanations

thinking truth a justice will prevail

when history always favors the victor

and has little to do with right or wrong;

our minds nudge our bodies into action,

we search for root causes that justify

our actions, only to find that we acted

inappropriately or too late...  grace lies

on the floor with unreasoned apologies,

standing our ground when there is no

ground on which to stand, only quicksand

and water that allows us to float away

into to darkness of our subconsciousness.

February 19, 2024

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Assigning Blame

cats who howl at the moon

cry when it disappears...

dogs who bark at each other

mourn their loss when inside,

birds fly from one life to another

while rabbits begin families 

with no thoughts of the future;

life moves on, birth and death

consume us all with a clear

misunderstanding of purpose,

duty falls on the back burner

since we eat most of our meals

at the local restaurants and

diapers are purposed for both

the old and young when they

cannot control their urges...

it is a modern day in which

we all live, pointing our fingers

at the past as if that is where

all our problems began, even

though that water cannot be

returned to the other side of the

dam nor can we change that

which we already accomplished.

February 19, 2024

A Remembered Honeymoon

two palm trees and a sandy beach
an orange sky - a bright sunrise
a bucket of coronas by a chair
seagulls flying to nowhere...
the ceramic tile on the mantel
tells not the whole story now;
we were one and inseparable in
our pursuits of love, discovered
on a Cancun beach years ago,
that love grew and lasted for over
thirty years when one of us decided
a new adventure was in order...
the funeral was brief but sweet and
the music played was her favorites,
only a few family members were
there along with some friends,
many of whom not remembered
by me expressed their condolences;
alone in the house I sit, gazing at
ceramic tile and remember fondly
those days spent in the sun and 
all the fun we had, deciding what
meals to have since all the menus
were in Spanish...  and while many
years have passed since we were
there, I remember only the beer.

February 18, 2024

Cancer Sickness

my heart pounds loudly inside of me
the pressure inside builds...
my eyes water and my stomach feels empty
my knees begin to buckle
my body instinctively bends over,
nausea wretches up from below
burning as it travels - a weakness appears
in my lower extremities as I 
begin to lay down on the porcelain...

my mind voluntarily leaves my body...
I can feel the heart pumping
I can feel my breathing increasing
my skins feels clammy and wet as
sweat pour out of my upper body and
begin to shiver while being over-heated,
my breathing turns shallow and
i turn on my side, laying my head
on the cooled tile - my arm outstretched,
my body arches up like a scared feline
my stomach regurgitates its contents
but nothing appears - my body arches up
farther and farther - harder and harder
my stomach pulls up from within,
 an acidy liquid finally escapes and I
lay down my head out of exhaustion,
my body is covered in sweat like I had
just stopped out of the shower...
the heat has disappeared and all I notice
is a chill from head to toe - too weak to
move - too weak to cover myself...
as my breathing calms so too does the
beating of my heart...  no longer do I
care about anything round me but
I need to get up and dry off and sleep.

February 15, 2024

Four Haikus - Part II

Thirty years or more
Our love has front row seats in
Life’s roller coaster.

Persistent patience
Sees us through the days, weeks, and
Those short and long years.



Forever is how
we perceive the love given
each other daily.



Side by side love sits
In the behaviors we have
Grown accustomed to.

February 15, 2024

Four Haikus - Part I

Thirty years or more
the value of our love has
been really tested.

Life steals away our
Youth but not our love that we
Affirm constantly.



Our love’s intertwined
Roots sink deep into the soils
Of our heritage.



Comfortably, our
Love rests in rocking chairs on
Our final front porch.

February 15, 2024

Our Protector

in the middle of a crowd, I stand
unknown and unseen...
dressed like everyone else in
blue jeans, tennis shoes, a knit
shirt and a baseball cap...
sunglasses cover my eyes and
polarizing lenses block out the sun,
no one can see me looking at them;
days before I crouched in front
of a fireplace, mapping our my
strategy, planning on both getting
caught and possibly escaping...
around me, I see the hollow souls
that are about to die in ignorance
not paying attention to all the signs
spread out in front of them...
males and females of various ages
have come to see the spectacle
and will see the show of their lives
as the heavens dance in and out
of the clouds in order to accelerate
their forward movements...
children will grow up parentless
and will form inappropriate parings
as a result of their discomfort...
I will consume it all as I have always
done in order to protect the future.

February 15, 2024

Our Clingy Nature

reflections in a wall of windows
an expanding immense universe,
lights that look like starbursts
objects hanging in suspension,
minds linked together with chips
computers that control environments,
we live in a world of possibilities
and endless combinations when
two or more interchangeable parts 
in the same gravitational quadrant
are seen through a telescope...
neural connections that can be
controlled remotely and bands of
light that bend around planets and
stars on their way to earth tell the
story that we've been longing to hear,
ripples in time and space and worm-
holes that take us into dimensional
space are spoken of in unpublished
abstracts strewn about on the nearest
kitchen table since no one else in 
the family understands the lies of
theoretical physics we cling to now.

February 13, 2024

Homelife

native Americans sleep in tents

some fashion houses in trees,
Inuit's remain in igloos when cold
descends upon their tribal lands,
others live trailers or log cabins,
using nature for their business,
leaves, straw grasses, pine needles,
we admire our modern conveniences
as they keep us inside, no longer
disturbed by eagles and hawks as
they fly by unexpectedly...  homes
made into the sides of mountains
or dug out deep into the earth, we
find space wherever we can and
always hope for the best...  stars
in the sky point the way home or
to hunting lands both north and
south as only water in the other
directions we have been told by
the ancient spirits...  coverings
made from animals keep us as
warm as we can be and fish from
the rivers and streams fill out
empty bellies...  we are desperate
to see the sun and blue sky again
cleansing our bodies dancing in
the summer rains - we live day to
day in our little worlds, caring
not for outsiders who pass by on
their way elsewhere, and with our
weapons, we let them know to 
keep on moving away from here.

February 13, 2024