Meant To Be

with arms crossed in resistance

I sit stoically in silence

staring out at the dark houses

where the inside residents

have not begun their day,

pondering and wondering

about nothing in particular

other than the "why" we are here

but not in the sense of purpose

but in the sense of situation;

reflecting on the past

the words that were said

or not said...  and

all the actions that were taken

achieving nothing yet

served to make our lives worse

in the sense of hatred

and the belief that all of this

all of what we have

is somehow wrong and

should never have happened

neither being able to explain

in a way that made sense

that it was meant to be.

28 October 2020

Life Changes

we live inside walls

inside barriers

protecting or hiding

from reality;

we seize the moment

but not the day

hoping others will

carry the torch

the fuels the flames

of change;

we dive into water

but not into truth

avoiding that which

we dislike,

seeing our future

protected by

those we like;

we hang our clothes

in closets of hate

while preaching

otherwise each

Sunday...

thinking no one

pays attention

to our ignorance.

27 October

Staying Home

silence permeates

fog lingers

dogs bark at shadows

light opens sight

we fight and scream

at opinions

far too silly to win

disputes of likes

and dislikes

and mornings spent

with others...

silence lingers

fog permeates

shadows stalk dogs

dark closes in

and as we sleep

we look forward

to awakening

and have it all

begin again.

27 October 2020

WHO

as a boy

I thought like a man

as a teenager

I thought like a child

as a man

I thought like a teenager

as a senior citizen

my thoughts were not my own;

as a soldier

I thought like a prisoner

as a student

I thought like a liberal

as a liberal

I thought like a conservative

as a spouse

I thought like a partner;

who I am is

who I am not and

who I am not is

what I aspire to be one day

if life continues as is

or even differently becomes,

I am the same as

always I have been

except when thinking as if

I were a boy again.

26 October 2020

Unfurrowed

acres of ideas lay unfurrowed 

dawns of unannounced mornings

off in the distant future dwell,

the past reminds us of all

to which we have no access,

remembering what was as if

it will somehow buy us time;

dead is dead and near death

is what we all are living in

desperate little silos as if

stored for a hungry future;

fields are plowed without

proper machines and lives 

are lost without proper care

as doctors flock to become

law enforcement agents of

a quickly dying urban area;

we live each dawn as sunset

and each sunset as yesterday

from which we learned nothing,

offering hope on Sundays 

along with the tithe that was

stolen from our neighbors who

were tending unfurrowed ideas.

26 October 2020

Winter is Coming

winter is coming or so they say but

not today or any day recently I see

yet we prepare for winter nonetheless and

I suppose hope that one day it will arrive,

all blessings asked will be given and

fears felt fall into fires of forgiveness,

as the winter could linger on and on

and what would we do waiting for spring

if all our bellies are cold and frozen;

winter is coming I do not regret nor do I

look forward to its arrival as it represents

death, despair, and decay and a natural

end of life the old fashion way but it

is not a season that one should trust

as it can be brutal as unrequited lust;

winter is coming and feel it everyday 

wondering when it will finally arrive

and how long it will eventually stay,

and wonder if the day's night can be

as boring as they say when those who

have experienced winter before all

come to this valley, kneeled, and prayed.

25 November 2020

A Fool's Errand

fools live on the edge of reality

having no thoughts for themselves

believing without questioning

following without understanding

spouting without thinking

wondering why other see them at all

in states of confusion smoldering

like a campfire after the meal was

too burned to easily consume;

we trespass on our own trespasses

not realizing our own thoughts

as we spoke them in partial phrases

not remembering their scope or

that one time we were indifferent

to the proposals being proposed;

we stand aloof because we know

no other way to stand, and believe

because we know no other way

we should be believing the gospel,

seeing not its discrepancies but

only its truths as were conveyed.

25 October 2020

In HIS NAME

we gather in HIS NAME on Sundays

and sometimes on Wednesdays 

but seldom other days...

we feel justified in our presence

and in our approach as

we alone rule our faith like a

Cape Hatteras light house

without the "come along" beacon    

for the strays that wander

along her rocky coastlines;

we gather in HIS NAME as is appropriate 

hoping for salvation but expecting

more than just our death,

we see our justification in works

in which we participate often

as insurance for our reward,

seeing the light neither at the end

or the beginning of the tunnel

crawling our way to forgiveness

because it says so shall you reap as sow

knowing our restraints are weak;

we gather in HIS NAME and see neither

HIM nor HIS light as we manifest

our beliefs by our attendance,

seeing the sin in absence but

not in weekly observations of our

own limited conditions believing that

in which we know to be true.

25 October 2020

Mornings

some mornings are there when you arrive

some mornings creep in slowly while

some mornings never seem to present,

mornings bring routines and rituals

mornings kickstart the day and work

mornings provide fuel for thoughts,

we feel lost without our mornings

we mourn when our mornings hide

we need to tie mornings together,

there is no afternoon without morning

there is no evening without morning

there is no sleeping until the morning,

mornings bring us comfort

mornings bring us breakfast

mornings bring us rejuvenations,

I am the one who gave you mornings

I can be the one who takes them away

I am the one who grants all wishes

I am the beginning of the day.

25 October 2020

 

Embarkation

from one dimension to another

we travel like gypsies whose

sole purpose is move faster

that the time it takes to see

growing old and prospering;

traveling in and out of time is

like traveling in and out of a

fine woven tapestry that is too

precious to sell to just anyone

so it hangs of wall of admiration;

bodies set forth in motion cannot

remain silent from the sights

and sounds made transitioning

through parallel membranes or

the unpleasant dynamics of it all;

we see fire and smoke or perhaps

a burning bush or two but nowhere

can we imagine being out of time

as we know will happen when

we finally reach our destination.

24 October 2020

Surrounded

surrounded by trees and houses I am

sitting outside in a fall morning cold

basking in its quiet solitude pondering

as I often do about the virtues of meditation

and if there would ever be a time for me

with cosmic consciousness I connect

and understand the wisdom of centuries

as it so would revolve inside my head,

and also wondering as I do...  how long

would it remain inside or I inside it

without any fears of retaliation from

those who have no scope or power

and must rely on instincts and experience

to come close to what I would have so freely

and once the wisdom inside me I see, I

then would wonder how long it remains

or once the link is broken it no longer

remains inside or is no longer me or

the substance I have seen when it had

been inside and had been a part of me.

21 November 2020

Worn and Torn

shades of reds, greens, and yellows

cascade through my mind as if falling

into some deep dark recesses of an

imagination too vivid to be released

for consumption by mere strangers;

shades of blues and browns cover

the means by which we relax as we

now shelter more inside than out

since to cooling of the weather now

lives in between the two seasons;

flights of fancy fly overhead while

birds sing songs of encouragement

from the tree limbs still covered by

those leaves refusing their duty;

swarms of winter smells funnel

through those filtered sounds we

remember from our childhood 

that now seem farther away than

the worn image in our pockets

carried longer than was intended.

24 October 2020

A Mourning Procession

a quiet mourning spills through the valley

as we release our thoughts from summer,

turn our focus to a few months of cold,

and prepare the outside for the severity

that has not been anticipated recently;

our thoughts run down the road like the

summer rivers of rain we used to get

and without meaning, they are left to

drown a quiet death in the cool water;

our eyes see into the future and convey

a harsh winter followed by a barren

spring and an uncomfortable summer

due to the changing beliefs of those

who would tell us what to do and how;

our souls wish to flee to a more positive

time when simplicity ruled the land and

we knew who was who by the way they

were dressed for dinner and we knew

their beliefs from their table manners;

King George has long since vanished

but we labor under the pretenses that

we should be thankful for the governors

who decide how we mourn their passing.

24 October 2020

Sibling Dishonor

a snare drum cadence of rain falls

on the gutters of our dwelling in

the early morning of the fall day,

giving rise to a wetter day than

was first anticipated last night

when discussing tomorrow and

the promises we wanted to keep

in lieu of our family disputes;

in the realms of our travels, we

find it easier to communicate

our loses rather than our gains,

exploring options that rule us

out of the competition we have

waged for decades between us;

rain simplifies the old game of

mistrust and deceit that exists

between us as if we were never

siblings at all when given life.

24 October 2020

Signs of Fall

dead leaves on the dirt ground lie

shades of browns and yellows,

surrounded by pale grasses that

soon will be tainted brown as well;

fall comes every year unfortunately

as cold replaces warmth and the

earth returns to its state of rebirth

leaving all the memories of what

had been out in the cold to die;

wicked are the cycles as they weave

their way through our lonely lives,

without any cares or concerns that

might prevent their yearly returns;

life abandons itself regularly as it

retraces itself through the months,

destroying that life for another

that will return all to soon again.

23 October 2020

When Family Dies

eight and twelve is the difference we see in

what separates these three from each other,

and if there ever was a family inside them

it has long since been abandoned hereto;

a parental claim of togetherness was the

standard by which their lives were led

and when that standard broke in two,

never a more polarized trio was there as

they led their independence with an

ambivalent attitude towards the others;

and, in so doing sealed their fate and

as with all trinities there is always a

balance that leans toward one side and

never shall the one in the middle have

what the other two have taken away.

23 October 2020

Held Responsible

yesterday, my words expressed a sentiment

that was felt then but not today...

or was it...  I know not exactly,

yet, I am to be remembered for it forever,

or so it seems to the recipient who

reminds me constantly it was said;

yesterday, my words sounded solemn and serious

but not today as they are light hearted and fun,

but I am to be remembered for yesterday

not today since only yesterday was heard;

yesterday, my thoughts were indicative

of the day before or the day before that one

as I am not totally sure...

they are mere words that come and go

as they please for me...

yesterday, my words were just words

written for the moment, not the occasion

reflecting the concern but not the truth

written with emotion not with thought

yet, these words will be my legacy and the

legacy of those who believe in me

to use my words as freely as can be

given the random circumstance from

which those words have been given birth.

22 October 2020

Without Influence

mornings of fall dwell in our minds as

we rejuvenate our souls in whirlpools

of luxurious doubts for the impending

cold we are about to endure and the

multitude of clothes we will wear...

all in an effort to feel as if we are

protected from those elements that

would do us harm not realizing all the

harm we perpetuate upon others when

selfishly exclude our siblings from the

lives our parents did not want for us

withdrawing their love and support

since they had received none earlier.

22 October 2020

Night Truths

endless images float through my mind

on some preordained enlightened path,

failing to share their authorization with

those with whom they interact on a semi

regular basis as no news is good news;

and, as these images rest on the insecure

foundations of individualized hope, a

vast majority of them simply deter the

host from any further explorations that

might cause the truth of the cure to be

illuminated and shared with those who

have not shared the same nightmares.

21 October 2020

Journey Home

the door to our upbringing is always open

and return we shall if we must,

a phone call in lieu of a visit is mandatory

but those calls dissipate over time

and we are left with the memories of those

from whom we thought we had escaped;

our lives mingle and intertwine with those

who do our bidding or we do theirs

but seldom remember how it all started

and hold no fantasies of how it will end

as we scrape up the pieces of life,

fashioning a new plate as though the old one

had never existed at all...   and, any

similarities is simple a coincidence;

and one day sooner than expected our

offspring leave by the door we left open

seldom returning as we had done

and without a phone call or note, they

live their lives according to their desires

while out wants and needs are ignored,

and we wonder what we did wrong;

and one day...

sooner than expected...

we drift into the sky like so many others

have done before us...

without saying goodbye...

and making no plans...

we are simply gone...  vanished...

never to appear again in this lifetime.

20 October 2020

Over the Treetops

a heavy fog lifts and I can see forever,

my neighbor's homes and beyond,

inside the universe of doubt that hangs

over all our heads like some albatross

or Achille's Heal that will not mend;

trees drop their seeds onto the ground

as if some fall ritual of raping, expecting

seedlings in the Spring for perpetuation

that will take years to disappear if and

only if mankind decides to live here;

rats scurry along mental avenues and

backroads in a vain attempt to avoid

highways of anxiety and breakdowns

that seem to occur more with age,

and as the sun warms the day, we

return inside to the safety of thoughts

and the endless array of youthful ideas

that lies precipitously close to an

aged induced religious awakening.

20 October 2020 

Defenseless

the warmth of the sun shines

on the on the pale decking,

its surface warm to the touch,

a cat lays prone in the sunlight

its body absorbing the heat,

its mind calm and its senses

relaxed as defenseless and

no one around notices its

vulnerabilities as it lays with

it back to the rest of life;

we, like the cat are defenseless

we it comes to our own survival

in the high stakes game of life,

living vicariously off the toil

of others while reaping the

same benefits from mankind.

15 October 2020

There Was A Time

a cocoon of time encapsulates the universe

as it expands into nowhere in particular,

life in the abstract dwells on some planets

in some solar systems in some galaxies

without hindrance or restrictions,

knowing its destination is as questionable as

its unique juxtaposition in the continuum of

time that counterbalances its own expansion;

time is an infinite dimension as it moves

forward as the past no longer exists and

the future has not been constriction by its

unprotected presence as a component of

that has never had a formal existence.

14 October 2020

 

Bending Trees

stalwart they stand beside me

a familiar sight each day

reminding and remember

when they arrived almost

two decades from today;

transplanted as they are

a new home have found in

the soil of this valley that so

many years ago was formed

awaiting their arrivals here;

and in all the storms that

followed they would merely

bend back and forth but

never would they break

and fall to the ground as if

somehow hollow inside.

12 October 2020

Our Journey

pretense precedes practicality,

we dump feelings into a reservoir

of our previous incriminations,

purified and clean we dress appropriately

signifying rebirth out of control,

a cool calm calculates our destinations

we limp along undetected in our

approach to an impending death

and those who would have us gone

look the other way down the street

as if waiting for the parade that

like Godot never arrives at all.

12 October 2020

Without Memories

we are out memories

their sum total,

good or bad

indifferent or relevant,

we are them and

they are us in

how we see ourselves

and all of that

which brought us here;

we are defined by memories

judged by memories

labor under false memories

and sometimes

simply cannot remember

what was experienced

or what was felt

damaged or implied

as uncertainty clouds

our memories,

their accuracy and

appearance and

the facts around which

we have based our lives

up to this point and

into the future;

we are void of our

history and how our

past influenced and

created our insanity.

11 October 2020

The Wings of Birds

gliding through the sky effortlessly,

they slope upward or down

move fast or slow

dive or ascend as rapidly as the eyes

can follow their movements,

abruptly landing with claws

that have a lifetime of experience

grasping onto the branch

like an idea worth saving,

swaying to and fro like a ballerina

tossed into the air without

the safety of her companion;

always graceful

always sleek

always curious about the other side

moving from tree to tree

blending in to rest until

it is time again to spread their wings

traveling to the next destination

with the same curiosity

as they had moments before.

5 October 2020 

A Life of Futility

a chilly breeze blows in the morning

an uninvited guest into the porch,

an open the door returning

to a limited life of freedom;

our lives parallels the woodpecker

a captivity surrounded by friends and foes,

prudent in what we say

how we dress

expressing our beliefs 

stand against the wind as it blows

chilly in the fall mornings,

cloaked by darkness when asleep

patterns drifting in and out

of a consciousness that few experience

as the ride the currents towards an

unknown destiny of capitulation

that shortens our understanding of self.

5 October 2020

American's Politicians

danger creeps along the walls and floors

of our subconscious like slugs in the night,

hoping to find moisture from which it can

extract its sustenance like politicians ply

voters with nonsense to receive votes;

we are creatures of habits and danger is

no stranger to our sanctimonious pleasures

derived from the heartbeat of constituents

whose only fault lies in belief and the

fear of misplaced beliefs from opponents;

danger hides and lurks in our disbeliefs

like the slugs that crawl on our walls

giving us the nightmares that we must

face another day lying to the public.

5 October 2020

Lacking Courage

unmistakably,

we abandon rational thought,

carelessly,

we turn speculations into facts,

ruthlessly,

we take remedies of false hope

and understand that

there was no justification;

we are reckless

irresponsible

undetermined

in all our actions and deeds

relying on the souls

of our dead ancestors to 

provide advice...

our desires have been assassinated

by those who have no ideals

or the courage to

stand up for what they believe,

hiding behind the skirts of

the transgendered to

provide legal counsel

for their short comings.

4 October 2020

Life's Perimeters

red skies in abundance

cumulus clouds layering

cold filtering through

sweaters and toboggans

leaving the hand free to

explore the wilderness

of the unknown and take

joy in the notion that we

can still feel our way

around life's perimeters.

4 October 2020

Inheritance

siblings dance in separate corners of the universe

unfriendly and distance since the funerals

bodies placed into the ground unconditionally;

time honored traditions ignored with

convenience taking the high road to eternity

and melodrama ignored for the sake of children

who had made no determination about those

with whom they had had little contact;

within moments, souls were freed and

personalities saved when the sermons spoke

unraveled all the mysteries of the day.

3 October 2020