I Have Loved and Cared

I an sheltered from the fears of false illusions,

alone in the womb of my non-existence,

I am alone with the pain of my remembering,

I am free to come and go at will,

but, I have chosen to remain forever,

to remain in darkness is my reality;

to purge my feelings is to gain nothing,

for I cannot hate nor can I love;

but, I have loved and cared and tried to be sincere;

I was filled with a desire to see my reflection,

a mold that I was cast into at birth;

a mold that will disappear only at death.

I have loved and cared and tried to be wanted;

to cross the river Styx, I

would have done anything for love,

is it for love that I cry now?

But, there are no tears, only anger;

an anger that leave me alone,

alone in the hollowness of my emotions,

emotions that I can never share,

only dwell in momentarily;

the clamor of the past is frightening,

it echoes of dark chambers where the

oozing light outstretched, show the way;

unleashed passions surrendered their encasements,

and the entire world was for a brief moment,

allowed to function in slow motion.

while our bodies intertwined unobserved,

and we did love and care for each other;

we were high in a reciprocating way;

our negative bodies were positively,

united against the realities of existence,

for we did not and could not exist;

the moment vanished and only the past remains;

the light is gone and I am alone again;

alone in this chamber forever . . .

I have loved and cared and was loved;

I have tried to cry but no tears came and

I cried in silence to be alone again;

to be sheltered in the womb of my illusions.

February 1977