Unwillingly Returned

With reticence, backwards gazing

has decided to sit upon my lap

this morning turning my attention

to all I wanted to forget since

only foolish errands have I run and

self-competitions left me losing

goals ever so slightly at the line;

with reluctance, into the crystal ball

I peer, hoping to see justifications

for the self-inflicted wounds endured

while apprehensively hiding behind

the shadow of a flawed personality

and a misplaced ego that kissed no one

where, upon a chair, they would sit;
with child-like innocence, my tarnished
name adorned the words and thoughts
of siblings who quickly docked their
fleet of ships in other ports that refused
entry to my kayak, leaving me drifting
aimless on man-made lakes until
summer storms pushed me to the shore;
with the close bond that never existed
and like a migrating bird, I took
to flight, journeying though out all the
unchartered waters of my fantasies,
meeting suitcase friends whose words
surrounded me like butter until
washed away by tears of loneliness
that no one would ever see;
with moments of lucid uncertainty,
my life flashed by like a falling comet,
but my traveling scars never healed –
but, why would they need too if my
eyes involuntarily shut-off existence
to those memories until, on a day like
today, all of them unwillingly returned.

27Jul12