An Inside Straight

perched on the sinful shoulders of our fathers
like children at Wringling's, we expect
others to stay clear of the fatted calf;
While our fore fathers made pledges of
caring for each other over self, we
have long since abandond them, substituting a
no crime unless you are caught philosophy.
Our tears are wiped away by the winds
of time and memories as we play
to an inside straight without the cards;
we want it to be like its always been
leaving no room for doubt in the eyes of the beholder,
but that dog don't hunt no more
and probably never did, even when it was only
one tenth of a dollar to gain admission.

November 2011

From August 5, 2009

There is a balance that we must maintain
In order to keep ourselves free from harm;
But, in order to do that we much put most
Of our thoughts in harm’s way, so when we
Attempt to explain the anomaly of our thoughts
We learn to live with selfish contradictions.
August 2009



If you know what I am
Going to do, then how
Do I exercise my own
Beliefs and free will?
August 2009



There is an attraction to those who have
Large breasts for some reason and I am
Not sure why that is true for me but it is
And I find myself looking at the chest of
Most females rather than at their minds
Or the words they attempt to convey to me.
August 2009

From December 2007

Morning arrives early to me
Each day up at 5 and each
Day early to bed at 9 or 10;
And, what do I have to show
For this routine other than
Consistency to a routine.
Dec07

If you were to leave me and I you
What would be the outcome of our
Assets – would they be divided
As equal as was our marriage or
Not so – would you simply walk
Away without the slightest care
For what you left behind so easily.
Dec07

I have often wondered what
Life would be like without you;
And, if I would meet someone
New who would accept me as
I am, who would encourage a
Partnership between us, who
Would willingly change for
Me as I would for her, who
Would trust me and want to
Build trust in me for her, and
Who would be there for me.
Dec07

Illusions of marriage have always
Been a part of my marriages as
They have always seemed to be
Created out of what they were
Never intended to be, actually.
Dec07

If I am to blame for what this
Marriage may or may not have,
Then so too are you equally to
Blame for your contribution.
Dec07

From August 4, 2009

My mind houses all my secrets
My hands type them out in
Nice little messages to my friends
And when all is said and done,
The blame lies and no one escapes.



Tempting as it may seem to you, I am not
The kind of person who just bends over and
Takes all that you want to give me simply
Because you are in charge and I am not.



Can we cooperate with each other?
Can we co-exist?
Can we see eye-to-eye?
Can we kill without being killed?
Can we learn how to die gracefully?
Can we marry our differences and survive?



I am not who you
Think I am, nor am
I who I think I am,
But, I am exactly
What you have
Wanted me to be
So, next time is mine.



I am only in this life for myself
I want to say to you, but I know
That my life is not my own to arrange
Even though I make decisions and
Have choices, they are seen through the
Eyes of an observer; my path is disclosed.

Four from August 2009

I peer into the light of hope
and see endless possibilities,
diminished only by the element of time
that restricts us all; yet,
when the darkness fades completely,
we will be free to love openly.
Aug09

Mark your days
as I do with
glimpses and memories
of smiles and movements
soon to be shared and
awkwardly experienced.
Aug09

Do you think of me as I do of you,
wondering if you are safe and loved,
wishing to be young again and
free to experience it all a second time.
Aug09

I want to believe my life meant something
to all of those with whom I have connected,
but those memories have come and gone
and I am left wondering if
emptiness and longing is always part of love
or because of the clothes I now wear.
Aug09

Five from November 2007

We live inside a world of hate
a world that knows nothing other than hate
and when we replace the hate,
it is replaced with greed and selfishness
and the power that we attempt
to exert over others that we serve.
Feb07

Beyond the threshold of our insecurities
There lies a world of joy and happiness
That few will see because they spend
All their time searching for that which
Has been determined unattainable
Feb07

If you were to look inside my thoughts
You would see confusion and many
Disbeliefs brought about by answers
Searching for their questions while
Existence lies in the futility of not
Knowing where to look for them
Feb07

Were you to live inside my head
What do you think that you would
Find other than what is already
Inside your own head if you were to
Really want to be introspective
Feb07


Therein lies the problem I believe
That we search for answers for the
Most part desiring no answers to be
found as we intuitively know once heard
we will find difficult to embrace them
Feb07

Hidden

hidden from everyone are your subtle vulnerabilities

Obvious to a few you chose to include, but seen as

lies to yourself that you fear control you, because

love and loneliness share the same closet where

you keep the collection of favorite masks

Worn as a shield against the accepting light.

Inescapable Eyes

We look at each other through
Inescapable eyes that pierce but
Never seem to be direct, and yet
There is an illusive connection
Ever present, bathing us in a
Reality that has us keeping our distance;
Still, we bait our own feelings
Hoping to find that one reason that
Only players seem to know,
Looking for the excuse that will
Likely do no good at all;
Yearning the day again.

Through my life

Through the files of my life I wonder
Sorting through this and that
Stopping to read whatever, but
Finally realizing it is all in the past;

Through the hallways of my heart I wonder
Wondering if I have ever really been in love
Or if those with whom I have come into contact
Or even stayed with a while, were
Ever really dancing to our song;

Behind my perspiration I hide
Afraid to shake hand with sweaty palms
And pockets dry-rotting because of it;

My life is a jungle book, full
Of misadventures and missed opportunities
But full of animal passions and excitements
That eventually lead nowhere;

I am an unknown tomb of success
Hiding my true feelings in or
Between the lines of poorly written verse
Simply because no one knows the difference
Or if they do, do not care to point it out;

I am just as much an illusion of life
As my life is an illusion of me,
And all I see is a failure of both spirit and need
Still hiding behind sweaty palms and
And an imagination that churns out regrets
Or the fear of losing the few friends I have
To keep them from knowing I need them;

And, now to you I sing my songs of passion
Knowing there are so many years and
Issues that separate us from this truth;
I imagine us a friends,
collaborating on games of the mind
I imagine us as lovers,
collaborating on our acquired passions
But never do I imagine us as simply co-workers
Anymore doing what we need to do to
Avoid making anymore mistakes;
I don’t know what I see anymore dear lady
But I would like to hold you when you cry
As well as penetrate all aspects of your personality
As you hold me when I fail or die…

Anxiety

Why am I in so much anxiety,
Wanting to know when that
Which will hurt be arrive.
Is it just something new or different
Or erotic that has caught my attention
Or am I being toyed with yet again;
Take it slow or at least more slowly
I tell myself so as not to leave
A trail for those who watch to follow,
But the advice seems to go unheeded
As I continue to pursue with vigor.