Monday, March 22, 2021

Losing Is Not A Crime

age is a natural predisposition of existence
birth, death and what's in between flowing
faster than the smoke that thunders on the
misty memory side of the southern zambezi;

our mistakes for racial barriers that we tear
down when it suits our purpose, creating
friends of the survivors no one wants to have but
cannot shed easily as if it were a lingering virus;

moments stretch into years and soon decades
are left on our doorstep like some holiday package
the postman left at the wrong house and was
used by strangers until no longer of any use;

heaven is the ideal state-of-mind as the devil
takes up residence in the minds of the forsaken
limiting their chances and outcomes while providing
sustenance to those who have forgotten to die;

the street cleaner's moustache is like his broom
that sweeps up wall street dirt as if it were car parts
from a chop shop that did not use sticks to feed
themselves the truth that they were trying to hide;

potato peelers trim off life's excesses while the
sous prepares the meal for the drunken chef whose
life no longer depends on client patronage or
on the customer's constant irrational satisfaction;

unintended consequences are the memories of the
blameless as their tithes never reached the homeless
and the homeless never went home to their mansions
once the pandemic put fear into the hearts of man;

daydreams and wet dreams became the folly of congress
once the parties collided into compromise and gave up
their will to an counterfeit antique dealer who was
high on cocaine from a previous failed marriage;

honor and integrity were treated with chemo
since all the illegal immigrants became oncologists
and live in the hospital so they can walk to work
just as easily as they had walked their way to freedom;

clever words were buried with all the removed statues,
the law of the land were sold for super bowl tickets,
and aging became a luxury of the dare devils who
lost their virginity when we lost our constitution.

20 March 202




The Untitled... from 1988, page 16

 

I.
it was my support on which she drew 
when I was in the arms of another...  far away,
returning...  I was still in her arms and
all the rooms in which we lived
became empty all of a sudden.

II.
her feelings crawled up my leg
in her absence and before long
it was my manhood that had a
problem with erect situations.


III.
she couldn't way what was on her mind,
but he felt it and knew what it had to be,
she didn't want to leave him on a negative note
but she was spending another night alone.

IV.
she could have any man in her bed,
so why should he feel bad because
she only wanted there to be one.

V.
he was accused of acting like her ex-husbands,
then she decided that they were nice now...
it was only as a husband when
they were a pain-in-the ass.

VI.
I came home early and spent the entire
evening wishing I was with you...
I knew if we spent more time
together we wouldn't care as much.

VII.
dress yourself in the finest silk
and wear your hair pulled back,
tonight...  we're going out on-the-town
to celebrate our new found love.

VIII.
over the shoulder of his imagination
came a daydream unlike all the rest,
one in which he controlled the action
as long as he accepted the consequences.

IX.
she wanted the advantage over him
she already knew she had the edge
over all the other women in his life,
he gave that advantage to no one.

X.
he had the best part of her
even though she woke up
with another in her bed...
he had her in spite of herself.

Sunday, March 21, 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 15

 

 I.
she sent me a message with
her eyes but I was too busy
trying to understand what
exactly created her interest.

II.
outside the door is the hall,
she waited all night...  as if
her purpose had meaning
and when I emerged the
next day she asked when
was it I was coming home.

III.
the cool air felt good
on his heated thoughts,
his mind raced with
all sort of crazy ideas,
all the groupings
were at his disposal,
sooner or later, one of
them would win.

IV.
there is uncertainty in the words I speak
and heard in those spoken to me...
still...  we must think the best leaving
the worst possibilities for those who
sit around worrying about them...

V.
she spoke to her audience of animals,
Mr. Buddy...  Polo...  Missy...  and, Pepper Girl
none of them caring whose 
turn it was to be fed first;
she spoke to them as she would a sick fried,
it was her attraction to cats that
did her in because they usually
knew how to take care of themselves.

VI.
her face was flushed with anger
but what showed was her
blushing from embarrassment,
she recognized him too late and
they all met in the lobby of the theater
giving reasons as to why they were there.

VII.
the temperature outside was less 
than inside but not by much,
air movement was non existent
and the humidity inched its way
up as the sweat dripped down our
steamy bodies while making love.

VIII.
it doesn't matter who approached whom
any longer or why it was something
that we both had pursued...  our
feelings never really mattered.

IX.
there was an attitude among them 
that could not be changed...  a
feeling of superiority where none
should have existed at all...
there was an air about them that
enabled us to detect them in summer,
they were bluer than most and
were making a come back, it appeared.

X.
our emotions were released carefully
but gently...  convincing our apprehensions
to compromise just one more time.

Saturday, March 20, 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 14

 

 I.
she didn't think of herself
as the other woman just the
wife he could never leave.

II.
rain beat against his honor
eyes upward looking for an answer,
nothing was for sure anymore
only the rain on his face.

III.
she sat in the corner of his thoughts
as the explanation of why she loved
him always remained the same...
because of his special love for her.

IV.
she let the water trickle down her
body as the jets of liquid massage
beat against her pelvic bone...
she had liberated herself from the
need of a man but allowed herself
to remember how their fingers 
would have felt inside her...
fantasies were better that having
all those disappointing lovers.

V.
she fought for the right to love him
he was her only competition...
she expressed a need for him which
she had to identify and justify 
each time they were together...
both were worth the struggle yet
neither knew how to end what
had seemed so easy to start.

VI.
if I were to stare at you
it would be because I
was pondering an idea 
and not because you 
were ever on my mind.
 
VII.
and with him firmly in her mind, she
slide further down between the sheets
into the penetrating softness of the bed;
feeling his eyes and arms on her, she turned
until her own hand rested between her legs,
where he was minutes earlier and the
surge she felt lifted her spirits and she
moaned his absence as his wet memories
slowly left her...  she was content now.

VIII.
their hearts were covered with
drops of acid rain and neither
had a raincoat or an umbrella
to stop the slow deterioration.

IX.
her tears of love stained his
serious denial of her love
which she felt compelled to
prove to him time-after-time.

X.
a reflection of youth passes
through our imagination...
forgiveness is asked each morning...
we accept like's passion for
tolerance as the struggle will
end before happiness is secured.

Friday, March 19, 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 13

 

 I.
she needed to see a lawyer who had
handled her first two divorces...
"thank you for small favors," she told him,
"that this one had died in his sleep."

II.
her red, white, and blue attitude was
washed away in an afternoon rain shower,
she took sick leave to fix the damage.

III.
"well hullo...  haven't seen you in a long time,"
the old woman said in a shrill voice,
"whatcha been up to?"
"nothing...  I'm just gettin' married next month,"
she said happily.
"to whom?"
"a farmer."
"you don't want to marry a farmer,"
the old woman exclaimed!
"what I don't want is to share my happiness with you,"
replied her daughter walking away.

IV.
we've caused them to turn and look
and we've caused them to talk...
whatever is unexpected
attracts their attention the most.

V.
only to her does he talk
does he complain about
how he has been wronged;
only to her does he share his grief
only to him does she listen...
after thirty years on not saying a word.

VI.
the entrance to her heart was
well concealed and guarded;
her ambitions kept her from
loving too many mean at all.

VII.
she had freed herself from
greed and envy once she
realized many of her needs
were down in his basement
just gathering  a little dust.

VIII.
a fence covered with roses, its
vines crawling around for support,
red and green quilts look like blooms
through a dusty closed window,
eavesdropping on their silent beauty.

IX.
the words formed in his throat like
bit of food caught halfway down
and it wasn't until later that he
she was not paying him attention.

X.
it might have worked years ago if they had met first,
it is hard to say for sure...
if only what they shared wouldn't end...
relationships could become almost perfect;
and some actually are...
it is always someone else that steals our moody
attention and who we ultimately fantasize about,
not the one with whom we really belong.

Thursday, March 18, 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 12

 

 I.
we are governed by those who ride
the prevailing winds behind our backs,
by those who search for their own purpose,
by the volume of gossip generated
within one rotation of our sun if necessary.

II.
we begin early in the hopes nothing is missed
and loss of rest becomes the norm and when
our love affair with tiredness gives all it can we
we return to living with a good night's sleep.

III.
our mornings unfold like
passing gas until one day
we realize that there were
worst smells we endured.

IV.
they are out there...
everywhere one goes,
they can be seen with
their young people...
mothers with the only thing
their husbands gave them
before they left for good.

V.
he was not available when she wanted him and
was not given a second chance to win her favor,
he had been allowed one mistake and she was gone.

VI.
when this morning began I was
on the verge of something special,
a new thought for a new day,
the day seemed to have been here before
and the thought, a singular version of a pair.

VII.
his rescue was inevitable and
she was the one who just
happened to be there...
together, they repaired the roads
that took them out of danger.

VIII.
my thoughts end up each morning on paper
a handful of clues and no puzzle to solve,
each day my thoughts are misplaced
in the same manner and each day
they get increasingly harder to find.

IX.
there is a lad who waits for me
spending her time with others
until the day that I finally return,
there is a lady whose pride is
undermined by her desire for me,
there is a lady whose tears I ignore.

X.
around the room they sit
in their business suits,
eating from styrofoam plates
a meal their wives did not cook;
and, what can be deduced
from this manner of behavior?
a daily routine while reading the news
that really belongs in another city.

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 11

 

I.
I listened while you cried
wishing I could forgive you
for the guilt you felt and before
the day had passed away into
old memories, I cried for you.

II.
I wanted to make you feel guilty
for disappointing me until I
realized how upset you were.

III.
she shared her evening with me when
they should have been for her children,
her ex husband had been hanging around
when she had wanted me there...  this
affair had more problems than marriage.

IV.
they left school early to work wanting
a car more than an education and were
admired by those who stayed in school
which helped them tolerate their work;
years later when those who dropped out
had the same car and the same job,
those who stayed in school were the
ones who were to be admired instead.

V.
One Woman DC
the license plate read...
was she proving to herself or
the rest of the world
that she was not gay?

VI.
I wanted you in my dreams as
frequently as you were on my mind,
you said you could not stand that
much attention from any man.

VII.
it was easy to talk with you and
easier to make love with you,
there was a purpose even though we
preferred to think of it as animal desire.

VIII.
what I did with you 
became a habit
like attending class
and it took longer
that I had thought
to break it off...

IX.
the earlier we rise the sooner our thoughts
play with unregulated morning conversation,
listening to what others want to discuss
and we measure ourselves accordingly.

X.
your appearance blackens my imagination
a fragrance of many roses...
double exposed for no one's benefit
all I see is the first flower in the field
turning my thoughts over to you
and the new direction we should take.

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 10

 
I.
she was attracted to his looks 
and loved him for his kindness,
making love to him because
he was making her happy;
she wanted to love him forever
but knew he would leave soon,
about that she did not think,
and when she did she hated
him for loving her like he did,
wishing she had never known him
or fallen in love with him but
deeply down knew it was not true,
she just wanted him a little longer.
May 1988

II.
he tried to enjoy her for
who she was but soon
learned she could not be
owned or possessed...
she was his by her design.
May 1988

III.
as much as possible she knew he
loved her and she knew he would
be there as often as he could...  and,
she knew every once in a while
she would want more, resenting his
freedoms and hoping he understood.
May 1988

IV.
the sunshine appeared on our madness
as if to bake it away and what started
out dull ended up to bright to handle.
May 1988

V.
she registered a complaint but would
never get specific with how she felt,
saying he already knew and was 
already too understanding for more.
May 1988

VI.
her feelings were under control except
every now and then she wanted to
wake up in the mornings with him,
knowing that he was with another.
May 1988

VII.
it is times like these...  waiting
for your phone call...  anxious
little moments of uncertainty
where I want another joint.
May 1988

VIII.
an echo of your image still
run through my mind as
caring seems secondary 
to being loved by you.
May 1988

IX.
it was not so much that there
had been a change in plans,
it was just an opportunity like
this will not come again soon.
May 1988

X.
there was no one for us to turn,
no one on whose shoulder we could cry,
so we forced ourselves to hide closed
doors waiting for someone to find us.
May 1988



Monday, March 15, 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 9

I.
over in your direction I looked
and saw no one of any interest;
perhaps, months ago when life
was not like it is today since my
combinations provide me all.
May 1988

II.
if I think of you anymore 
that I do already, then
nothing will get done
today or any other day.
May 1988

III.
he was called back into duty
because earners on the minimum
did not show up to work today.
May 1988

IV.
her heart was in the right place
but when she tried to show it,
the probability of failure was high.
May 1988

V.
"Have you been working hard,"
the silver haired lady asked of her gentleman friend?
"I'm working on account of one,"
he responded briskly with a grin.
May 1988

VI.
in the water the women of Turkey sit
with their black gowns floating around them...
it is not clothes they attempt to clean this time.
May 1988

VII.
we laugh less than we should
less than we need to but when we do
a nice sensation is felt unlike
any sensation ever felt before.
May 1988

VIII.
you were to blame for being there
to fall in love with me...   and if,
you had stayed home with your wife
like you were supposed to
none of this would have happened.
May 1988

IX.
you have become attracted to me
and I to you as the case may be,
and neither of us talked about
what we had done until too late.
May 1988

X.
you asked me to come with you and I did
you asked me to have only you and I did
you asked me to be there for you and I was
you asked me to love you and I did
but when I asked you to be there for me
you had to go home to your wife and children.
May 1988

Sunday, March 14, 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 8

 

I.
she spent her summers on the coast
her falls in the mountains,
her springs in the piedmont
leaving her winters free to
sort over all her impressions.
May 1988

II.
he was a military man and she
was a military man's wife; but,
he was really married to the service
and she loved to play the field.
May 1988

III.
those least expected to have manners
usually have more than expected and
when that is seen, it is because one's
own manners are always missing.
May 1988

IV.
she loved him knowing
her need for him would
eventually end the affair.
May 1988

V.
two lives are led knowingly
one for the weekend and
one for the rest of the week;
two lives are led because
women and men are different
and have different needs.
May 1988

VI.
"don't you be at Mr. B's on Sundays,"
she asked, confident she knew the answer?
"yes," he replied, "I go there because the coffee is better than Mr. D's."
"I see you there every Sunday," 
she said drawing closer to him in the booth.
May 1988
 
VII.
roses in my garden bloom
reds, yellows, oranges, pinks, whites, and purples,
what cannot be said is offered with a rose,
we grow hundreds.
May 1988

VIII.
the managers compete for recognition
yet they are only measured on sales
yet their concerns are with customers.
May 1988

IX.
the fog in my head has cleared
and the distances I see in front
of me are longer than my desires
for me to want to get there.
May 1988

X.
I had film in the camera but not
the desire to take your photograph,
you paraded around like a princess
at least that is what it seemed to me.
May 1988