The Untitled... from 1988, page 7

 

I.

conversation cam easy for some

what they seemed to talk about,

for the most part was meaningless

glued together by importance.

May 1988

II.

in their hearts they knew

it was the right thing to do,

but their desires influenced

more than their passion did.

May 1988

III.

she meant the world to me

to my measure of self worth,

she was a focal point until

her needs outweighed mine.

May 1988

IV.

we were remembered

yesterday...

at the ceremony,

words as nice as

anyone could speak,

and if they last a week

it was all worth it.

May 1988

V.

a trilogy of trilogies

describes my life from

beginning to end...

some may find it tedious

but I found it exciting

about which to write while

reacquainting myself with me.

May 1988

VI.

the drive through Pennsylvania

was disappointing but the little

traveler and myself look towards

the end and our destination and

the reuniting of loved ones

if they are willing to take us back.

May 1988

VII.

I am always amazed as spring colors

how vivid each one is in the sunlight,

I am amazed at nature's patience

exhibited throughout the winter;

each season has it own temperament 

spring may not be the best to photograph

but it is still my favorite.

May 1988

VIII.

she was careful not to hurt

his feelings this weekend

with a careless thought or word;

he on the other hand

planned to work outside.

May 1988

IX.

we keep lists for everything

having no time to use them

until can can create a list to

explain how to use the lists.

May 1988

X.

we are time bandits

harnessing the power of youth

through photographs

and recollections,

seeing infrequently those

about which we care,

garnishing our guilt 

with a ten dollar call.

May 1988

Forever Changing

the drumming of a woodpecker's beak on the breast of a tree

the constant barking of a caged dog wanting to be free

the lazy feline that curls up on an deck chair in the sun

the piercing shrill of birds that have nothing better to do

the cool temperatures that will soon give warmth to the earth

the bleached out deck boards that survived another winter

the Siamese cat that finally leaves the warmth of a heating pad

the smell of garlic and onions cooking on an outside grill

the silence of the day once the television has been muted

the time now spent outside but inside a screened-in porch

spring has entered the arena of the living who long for more

blooms on trees have not yet gotten the message

grasses continue to live outside in dormant habitats

fall leaves remain on the ground in decaying silence

evergreens are inspected by birds as they fly by searching

people remain in their homes still afraid of the light

children sit in front of screens trying to learn math and science

teachers work in bathrobes and drink coffee to stay awake

workers in the South never stopped going to work and had

money to burn when receiving unnecessary stimulus checks

politicians laugh at the result of the previous election

knowing the consequences will eventually catch up to them

and foreigners gaze at America as she once was and feel

confident she is no longer that which she once was as

immigrants swarm into her like killer bees forever changing.

11 March 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 6

 

I.

she was entitled to a vacation

away from her husband and

the children and her lover.

May 1988

II.

the earth opened and swallowed

me alive and for a moment I

wished that it were true but like

all dreams is was another crisis.

May 1988

III.

my life had accepted his intrusion

making more room for him each day...

he gave me all I asked for and never

all that he wanted and the guilt

dimmed the lights in our rooms.

May 1988

IV.

the birds who flew south before 

the winter have returned in force,

our yard is full of their antics,

scrambling to build nests before

the spring rains begin to settle in.

May1988

V.

I was in charge of her heart...

a job avoided for years;

it may had too late to repair the damage

but I had promised myself to try.

May 1988

VI.

it was beyond our ability

and that's when it always

became a challenge for us.

May 1988

VII.

I sat in awe of her attraction

wanting to believe it to be true

but skeptical...

she was the type that everyone

wanted at least once.

May 1988

VIII.

look into her eyes and say "no"

before you point the finger at me,

accusing me of being weak...

look into her eyes and say "no"

and send her on her way if you dare.

May 1988

IX.

the sky closed her angry eyes and

we were left in the darkness...

a frustration finds it way

into both of our lonely hearts.

May 1988

X.

like a spiral staircase, our

lives wind around something,

never touching the source

of any of our discomforts;

an alarming situation that prevents

us from even wanting to know;

and the ones we know the best

are usually the hardest to understand...

coping with it all is so trite.

May 1988

A Failed Experiment

hands seek justice where there was no crime

we walk in circles among our friends

life teeters on the brink of collapse and we

sip lemonade on the front porch letting the

sun bake our skins like cookies in the oven;

walks in the park take place on television

as Netflix and Hulu inflate their ratings in

order to receive government subsides while

stay at home orders in some States keeps the

politicians from doing something stupid with their time;

red and blue make purple but green is the color

to watch as it washes over us in unparalleled fashion

and life turns inward as it encompasses the ignorant,

bribes the poor and solidifies debt well into the future

hoping the wealthy feel sorry for our blatant foolishness;

times slows down for the undertakers as they labor

in some back room like politicians carving our deals

that none really want except for themselves and

the vanity of their egos that clash in the night

like drunken sailors trying to find their way home;

ships on high seas sail into oblivion when their

crews abandon the captain's orders to watch a

Fourth of July celebration in three "D" and eat

crumpets virtually with the Queen who has

stolen their virtues by keeping the Prince silent;

Russians steal our fortunes from cyber cafes

Chinese rape our wills into submission, stealing

our future opportunities from our children

whose lives are sold on Ebay to pay off our debt

and jobs move to the east like hummingbirds;

temperatures move in the extremes during seasons

of despair and citizens cling to their faith and

to the return of what they had taken for granted,

since law enforcement hung up their guns in

the middle of the night to sell drugs from Mexico;

"we told you so" signs liter the interstates as

motorists drive out their gasoline in search of

wind power and solar energy to keep their minds

from entering caves of cold depression that pills had

previously been able to deter  --  suburban complacency;

American flags no longer fly as the WOKE mob

makes claims of racism in public streets and eats the

food left behind by the government on banquet tables,

since whiteness changed the constitution and the

civil disobedience laws were muted by the courts;

Native Americans reclaim the lands that were stolen

and shed tears for the loss of buffalo and eagles

that once roamed the land providing inspiration

to those who spoke no English and who had not yet

heard of the once great country that no longer exists.

8 March 2021

The Untitled... from 1988, page 5

I.

somewhere along the way his

pleas went unnoticed and unheard,

his cries for help unanswered;

somewhere along the way his

feelings were put into lines of poetry

and as long as he continued to write

he was able to keep himself alive.

May 1988

II.

my yard is full of roses

and other plants and

flowers that keep me

appreciating the beauty

of what I cannot see.

May 1988

III.

the more she worked in the field

the tanner her lean body became

until the Mexicans noticed her 

and wanted her all for themselves.

May 1988

IV.

we sat in chairs staring at 

each other but it was you

who claimed I was staring and

you were just looking back.

May 1988

V.

we could not get enough of

each other and it seemed 

as if there was nothing more,

wanting all we could have.

May 1988

VI.

rain brought life to the fields

giving us a chance to spend

more time together in bed;

we never got tired of giving.

May 1988

VII.

she was happy all day knowing she

would have her fill of him that night,

she left it alone so it would be ready later,

it would be him she would have today

and the reality must last her all month.

May 1988

VIII.

she was his and no one else's,

it was hard for her to believe,

but he always tried...

she loved him more than anyone before

and he tried to understand...  but,

she had so many before and

he always wondered...  he loved

her back expecting it not to last.

May 1988

IX.

a call was placed every five minutes

but always no answer...

and, at the window I drove by

seeing you with another

and the phone on the floor,

in the bed where we had been

just the day before and remembered

you had put the phone there

when it rang then as well.

May 1988

X.

can always...

be the way our love will go

when mistakes are upon us?

your love has me wondering

what my future holds with you.

May 1988

The Untitled... from 1988, page 4

 

I.

her heart was broken years ago

she mended it with a lover;

they were good for each other,

judging only themselves,

and the feeling brought with them

kept them together until they outgrew

the guilt of having a lover required.

May 1988

II.

you were forty

I was thirty

and she was six,

just a little thing

and now she is sixteen

and we both feel

older than we should.

May 1988

III.

I will never lie

to you as long as

we never marry.

May 1988

IV.

throughout my mind like

a Somerset novel, the

rain casts on me a plague

and I end up feeling

water-logged at best.

May 1988

V.

without the least little

bit of guilt they meet

each morning to share

the love that belongs

to someone else.

May 1988

VI.

her youth remains unchanged as 

their love continues year-after-year,

even when others pursue and she

learns what they can offer; still,

she decides to remain with him.

May 1988

VII.

her water soaked clothes 

showed off her aged body,

nothing of which to be proud

but enough to have men beg.

May 1988

VIII.

their feeling survived those days

they were apart and when their

minds are full of other thoughts

their memories store their love.

May 1988

IX.

their age difference did not matter to them

only that they wanted very much to share

what they felt when only they were together.

May1988

X.

outside the security of my private thoughts

a world of cruelty exists and women are

among the worst who play the game well.

May 1988

The Untitled... from 1988, page 3

 

I.

operating on different levels of awareness,

we set the example that we hope others will follow

and when they don't we hide in shame.

May1988

II.

I lay in your arms and think of another,

when love is there it never leaves,

but carried around with you along

with the scars of why it did not work.

May 1988

III.

the sunshine came with the rain

and was as bright as it could be,

the heat intensified our feelings

smelling each other's desires...

the rain came after the sunshine

and was as relaxing as it could be.

May 1988

IV.

I think of you often when we're apart

and of all those things I want to say,

but when together there is nothing to say

and knowing you want me in the same way

there is nothing left to want or say

except having you near me once again.

May 1988

V.

young women talk of fancy clothes while

young men claim those clothes aren't worn very long

and as each boast of what they will receive

my thoughts turn to what I don't need.

May 1988

VI.

she came for me at night and during the day

it was beyond belief that I was chosen by her,

her young features and attractiveness were not appealing

as much as her personality and gentleness,

she said all the right things at all the right times and

had nothing to gain except half of what she earned.

May 1988

VII.

you spend your money on him now

in ways that were reserved for me,

feelings tick inside like time-bombs,

we have patience but no longer look

at each other in the same way anymore.

May 1988

VIII.

lately, I cannot shake my thoughts

away from you and I wonder which

level of concentration suffers from

all that I am forever feeling here...

lately, I seem to have been taken back

by your reluctant renewed interest.

May 1988

IX.

my nights are more lonely now that

I know you are there waiting for me

that when I did not have you at all.

May 1988

X.

"Can you tell me how to get to Lewis Winstead Road," 

was the question asked by a stranger?

"Where do you want to go," came the response?

"Highway Patrol Station," replied the stranger.

"Let me tell you this way," came the response again,

"you take the third hard surface road to the right...

you come to a stop sign and you turn left...

it'll be down there a piece on your right...

I don't know nothing about no Winstead road..."

The Untitled... from 1988, page 2

 

I.

there is no cure for what we feel,

no running away...

there is no substitute or

any changes we could make,

there is you and I and our feelings

shared as best as we can.

June 1988

II.

can I sit here day after day

without thinking of you?

can I sleep night after night

without thinking of you?

can I ever feel the slightest

comfort will all this madness?

June 1988

III.

roses stay in bloom for a few weeks

then wilt away and die...

spring returns to summer then

eventually back to fall...

feelings change the way we miss each other

then we are with someone who knows how to care;

roses bloom in the spring each year

and we look for permanence.

June 1988

IV.

it was her wisdom

conventional and all,

that made me feel secure;

it was her body that

eliminated my desires.

June 1988

V.

I look towards the empty seat and

wonder why you are not there...

wonder why you cannot be with 

me when I want you more...

as if my needs are all that matters.

June 1988

VI.

and when they walk by we look

and when we walk by they look;

it's been going on for years but

never has their behavior been so

aggressive as it has been this year.

May 1988

VII.

what manner of woman are you

to have poisoned me with your

unnatural desires...  as if I were

part of some elaborate selection

process forcing you to turn your

attention to who's in second place.

May 1988

VIII.

going too far is an excuse

for the weak and an issue

for those who could never

understand giving one's

self completely to love.

May 1988

IX.

time's passage is colorful

dressed in eighteenth century garb,

taking winters in Aspen

and summers at Saint Croix,

making our visits pleasant and painless,

we wave away our goodbyes

letting photos say our hellos.

May 1988

X.

Friendships are semi-permanent with

anything more being misunderstood,

crystal balls would be better used for

bowling than for predicting what we

all know is that which is predetermined.

May 1988

The Untitled... from 1988, page 1

 I.

If I were to walk through a field what would I see?

If I were a Botanist what would I see?

an architect...

a chemist...

a landscaper...

or, an artist...  what would I see?

If I were to walk through a forest what would I see,

or if I were a bird looking at me?

June 1988

II.

I had hoped she would be

here again when I awoke,

to watch me shave...

June 1988

III.

"we're here making money...  I guess we're doing ok,"

the manager said;

"If you're doing all that, you're ahead of me,"

replied the customer.

June 1988

IV.

I fought back the tears as

I wanted to continue to be with you,

I fought back the tears seeing

you there not wanting to leave,

I fought back the tears knowing

that tomorrow was not soon enough.

June 1988

V.

It would have surprised me

to see you here this morning;

still, I wondered how I would

have felt if you just arrived.

June 1988

VI.

she matched her poorness

with my love and I found

we were both more rich than

we would have been happy.

June 1988

VII.

will you be my lover for years and years?

will you dress me in the warm thoughts of your devotion?

will you care for me as you would have your children?

will you laugh with me when I am bald?

will you expect our love to last forever?

June 1988

VIII.

If the gas I pass comes from

an inappropriate end, will

you roll down the window

or just smile back at me?

June 1988

IX.

all in all, my thoughts are sad

my views somewhat depressing,

but since I met you the only negative

matters about which to write are

not spending enough time with you.

June 1988

X.

imposed on us is self-restraint

and as long as we can maintain

our unique individual identities,

the systems works for us all.

June 1988

Death of a Decade Followed -- page 13

On Being A "D" Student

sounds of race cars passing by

each morning are heard more than seen,

and I wonder why youth is as reckless as I

when in their age group long ago;

my Siamese cat, like a paper weight,

sits beside me on a seldom used tree stand

other than in the morning when at my desk

can be found recording for posterity;

although, I am keenly aware that few

will ever be read...  what I dare put in writing

like some bedside confession of a criminal

however no criminal in that sense will I be;

my thoughts are pure and forthright and

slightly biased searching for enlightenment,

never really finding the righteous path

only the back waters of forgetfulness;

darkness hovers sternly outside my window

waiting for the light of a new day and

a new way of perceiving the world around

other than from my embitter crankiness

as we never quite finish learning our lessons

leaving us with the perspective of a "D" student,

but was expected long ago as I began

observing what was happening to society.

21 December 2020

The Necessity of Silence

silence is quite deafening to those who

may not be familiar with its properties,

or that which is required for the listener, but

silence is often the preferred form of communications

especially in a two decade old modern marriage;

to our respective corners we haver returned

like boxers in a ring without spectators and

while there are no gloves for our hands to wear,

nor any protection for our bodies or heads,

the absence of words are the only tools needed;

remembering when we were not this diplomatic

is rather an easy chore as we both can recall

quite vividly by the words that spewed out

from which no recall would be authorized...

only tearful memories linger in our bellies

like a recent holiday meal not fully eaten;

pairs of things were made for failing couples

like bedrooms and cars...  upstairs and downstairs...

and while there was only one kitchen, 

as soon as one appeared the other vanished

presumably off into thin air...

only to be found sitting on the back porch

staring off into the nothingness of deep thoughts...,

and while silence may not be the preferred solution

it is the only one that quite remarkedly developed.

21 December 2020

An Errand In Time

we exist inside the twisted warp of time

moments become hours unending,

we trail memories like hunting dogs

but no barking out is allowed;

an illusion drips down the painter's canvas

another mistake or was it intentional...

is the question we should be asking?

but no one left the classroom for recess

our teachers on sabbatical again, leaving

janitors to sweep away our knowledge again;

we exist inside time's continuity

a string-induced singularity shared only in the

event of an emergency or impending disaster,

neither of which have visited us for centuries

as our destiny continues lacking its fulfillments;

honored by the traditions of the unimaginative

we are the lost souls who much wash their clothes

in the cisterns of despair left for such an occasion,

waving in the air to dry like flags of surrender,

our images were thusly created and forged;

tomb raiders mocked the sentinels standing guard

dousing their fears with urination and depletion,

taking only what can be carried and no more,

circumstance is no longer a consequential victim.

21 December 2020