May 1989 - page 2

1.

she could not show she cared

so she conveyed her appreciation

and he refused to accept it,

she was too easy

he was too late,

she was angry

and he obsessed with his own ego,

mentally she was miles above him

but physically she could

never keep them close.

2.

he told her he had left his wife

and she knew not to ask more,

it was never theirs to hae

and she would try no more.

3.

he had his church on Sunday

driving their car during the week,

keeping down a full time job

and not ever looking back,

not today or tomorrow

or ever...  he had it made.

4.

for a short while we were away

but with a mechanism to return,

our feelings of despair and rejection

were not real and never would

be real as long as there was someone

on which to fall...  we pretended

with divorce as easily as we

pretended with our marriage.

5.

it was an insult that

you greeted me with

your "give a shit"

attitude, expecting to

simply take it or

leave it scanarios.

6.

if she is asked and refuses

then one has permission, but

if she responds unattractively

then one has no permission.

7.

hate burned inside us both

our blood boiled in our veins

our mental anguish jolted us

into a symbolic retreat,

anger fed us today and tomorrow

our bellies would empty next week

our hearts would be wounded

and scared...  forgiveness was

as eveil as happiness and we

would never know this or never

have to use the appropriate behavior.

8.

a mistake to care

to drop those shields

perhaps show...

some understanding,

a moment that if

surfaced would...

undo us both.

9.

I cannot bear to think

that all ove is like ours

and that we continue

to endure this because

it is our punishment for

marriage in the first place.

10.

our time is always

less than cordial

when together so

why are we still

together?  why not?