October 1988 - page 3

1.

air between the sole

and ground will not lift up one's

overweight spirits.

2.

her cries linger in

my memories while she fades

from my view and grasp.

3.

dreams curiously hand on the

walls of my mind...  like

unframed prints whose originals

were given away years ago

out of a love that now resides in

the hall of memories, unfulfilled.

4.

draw closer to me and

make me feel loved by you

at least once this evening.

5.

next to me you were

a lover extraordinaire

always in my heart.

6.

there they sit in their

spun-silk shirts absorbing the

battles of others.

7.

to me you gave of

yourself because all your friends

had moved out of town.

8.

into my house, draw

near she babbled holding a

torn and tattered heart.

9.

fall brought her cold winds

today slapping at the face

that was unshaven.

10.

from deep within a

calling felt like none other,

it scares me sometimes.

September 1988 - page 3

1.

you arrived early and

without film or witnesses,

but you brought anger;

her tits poked through

the thin fabric covering

her charms from our view.

2.

she swore that age made no difference,

he disagreed...  so she swore that color

made no difference...  he disagreed;

she swore that she loved him but

he disagreed...  so, she left him for

another and he lamented for months

over what he had done to deserve this.

3.

several weeks had passed so he

called to see how she was and

immediately she said she had

missed him terribly...  it was 

always easy to misunderstand

because he had wanted her so bad,

and for so long...  he assumed

that this conversation had simply

been more of the same ole song.

4.

before he would have tried harder

to contact her...  but this time he

wanted her to come after him...

he was available and he had to

be sure he was the one that she

really wanted...  reuniting the flesh.

5.

her dark complexion

attracted his attention

and his hers as well.

6.

a catalog of

pleasure we looked at through today

it was too costly.

7.

I saw her body

naked and it was nice to

know it was still there.

8.

your opinions are

nothing more than thoughts that some

one else had before.

9.

her hair fell downward

my face felt its softness and

static sensations.

10.

no matter who I 

am with or what I do I'll

always think of you.

August 1988 - page 3

1.

we just could not get beyond the hurt,

come back together with self-renewed

understanding...  today, was always based

upon all of our previous angers again.

2.

she became demanding, critical and

abusive, daring him to accept that as

the best it was ever going to be now.

3.

we remained for all the wrong reasons,

taking that as an excuse to be hateful.

4.

morning wrapped her gentle hand around

my mind squeezing out the bad thoughts

that you had left inside from yesterday.

5.

the sounds and smells of love making

came back to me this morning as did

your memory and I felt the emptiness

and the hollowness you left behind.

6.

there wasn't much to hold us together

but it didn't take much and it was over

before it had gotten off to a good start.

7.

I found her lonely and offered myself

and quickly that too was taken away

and she was left on her own again.

8.

her heart was not my concern even

though I had broken it...  her feelings

were tightly sealed away out of reach.

9.

it was mention our love would

last forever...  but there was no

for that to also change now.

10.

her love had been there just

for me to take at the right

place and at the right time,

no one said it was to last.

July 1988 - page 3

1.

they were not here for us so we

could not keep our jobs...  it was

more like we were here for them.

2.

summer rain never came anymore when

it was needed...  always too late and

only enough to just dust the ground.

3.

"you've had affairs before and after forty,"

she stated to him...  saying that all she

wanted was a normal social life with him.

4.

a low hum kept the night sounds out,

air was circulated from one point

to the next, blowing away our naturally 

\occurring but selective thoughts.

5.

she had been given an offer and

was tempted but was not sure if

her life would be better or worse.

6.

they needed each other's caring

as well as their faith...  yet, none

of it was worth a damn until

they could trust each other with

all of that new personal knowledge.

7.

she held him close another

weekend and another goodbye,

and she cursed his wife for 

not taking care of him and

not letting him go to her.

8.

the heat makes us sweat in the

shade and the least little movement

cause it to roll down our bodies.

9.

with my soul in sync with my

mind and body, a journey begins

in the middle and to its ultimate

conclusion it now continues.

10.

she looked at him without tears

feeling it had happened again,

loosing another man she had loved,

she could imagine a day without him

but was too proud to let him know

all those thoughts that would hurt.

June 1988 - page 3

1.

a screen of obstacles covers my

progress like the summer porches

in which we once relaxed whose

meaning now has negative connotations.

2.

she was like a blast furnace

whose gates of passion had been

raised to warm the frigid coldness,

she became too much for herself

and soon was no longer covered

by her unusually limited warranty.

3.

her problem was in the attitude that

she was to share with his wife and

that sex was exclusively hers to own.

4.

rain hit the ground with force

damaging the spring growth and

our first taste of gardening had

forever been spoiled in our minds.

5.

she watched him leave

saddened by it all,

some she couldn't change,

the one flaw that would

keep her from reaching

a complete independence.

6.

who would she she and

who would she remember?

who would remind her 

of all she mistakes she made?

who would she talk with?

or dance with?

and share her bed?

What would she do if...

it all suddenly came true?

 
7.

there were two hours

a long time to some,

but never enough for

us when together.

8.

They swore to each other it

would never end and all

those thing they learned

later couldn't help them.

9.

once or twice

three times or more

I reached out for you but

your eyes were somewhere else.

10.

it became simple for us

to do our fancy and nothing else

leaving a closeness for lovers.

December 1988 - page 2

1.

it was so easy

for us to fall in love each

time we kissed awhile.

2.

the belly grew a 

little bigger each night so

we wondered who's next.

3.

he head shook 'no' but

her body opened with longing

and desired denied.

4.

there was no crime here

only a few birds who flew

up for a quick chance.

5.

once they traded names

all the animals left with

their new found partners.

6.

softly their wings with

much applause flapped announcing

a new bold era.

7.

they were all hearty

doing what they did best which

was nothing at all.

8.

she took his gifts not

realizing that pride was

a superb virtue.

9.

what went in, returned

and once outside went back in

over and over.

10

there was no market

for her talents just a bunch

of weekend journeys.

November 1988 - page 2

1.

he was her prize for

the month and after a year

wished for another.

2.

you will never know

and you will never be the

one closest to me.

3.

my purpose is to

love and be loved by you if

you can accept that.

4.

our fantasies remain in the mirror

of memory until we can shed ourselves

from the attraction of others.

5.

we tried separate philosophies and

found many of our ideas were similar,

we tried collective bargaining and

found a team approach instead,

we tried horizontal positioning and

found ourselves without a place to stay.

6.

she returned like I

wanted, everything the same

only it was not.

7.

it was a like a three

ring circus juggling future

against a bad past.

8.

each night I struggle

with an identity that

I cannot tolerate.

9.

she was soft spoken

with hair below her thoughts and

a smile everyday.

10.

in her bed a man

stayed whose future would not be

just between her legs.

October 1988 - page 2

1.

into the classroom

he wandered hoping this would

give him what he sought.

2.

it began as they

all do and ended as they

all wished that it could.

3.

clarification

is what she asked for and got

more lies than before.

4.

Mix and match she would

her feelings to keep from the

hurt she always got.

5.

he found her less than

appealing and stayed with her

now for the routine.

6.

her smile brought him back

on her swing shift and he thought

a new job was found.

7.

how pleasant the morning rain feels

on her face...  needing more each day,

how nice she is now that her cracks

and crevices are filled in and smooth,

how lovely are her rainbow skies and all

the spruce and pine and hardwoods,

how they bend and spring back in the rain

the tiny little flowers do...

how kind is nature on these days

forlorn and a mother to us all.

8.

a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter

and a friend if time permits...  she is

these things and more...she is new and

old, sincere and full of faith and forgiving

in her own way...  she is love and truth

she is the guiding light through the tunnel

we all must pass...  she is my life.

9.

my eyes should burn and fall apart if

seeing you is not possible...  look into

my future and tell me on what days

you won't be there...  long enough

I have waited for you to arrive here.

10.

mysteriously

her branches move bobbing up

and down like puppets.

September 1988 - page 2

1.

she was but a summer girl

a summer romance

to fill in the time and space,

she caught on quickly

becoming a contender for the throne,

she was a special person who had

earned the right for respect

received that which she deserved.

2.

the rains fall upon the ground steadily

and with each thump...  I feel her

cry out in pain...  for the torture

we have given and her revenge be

none too savage for the crime.

3.

for ourselves we live

the world was made of plastic

in debt forever.

4.,

her kisses softly 

trace the outlines of my youth,

I reciprocate.

5. 

she dies quietly

our summer month of august

and nothing remains.

6.

the heat plays tricks with our minds and

we see tears when it should be rain...

we see blood when it should be wine,

we feel pain when it should be pleasure

and we see evil when it should be good,

the heart plays tricks with our souls

and we always do the devil's bidding.

7.

laughter hides our fear

and we learn to ridicule

all things in our sight.

8.

walls of stone were made

to hide our fornications,

lovers need not lust.

9.

this ends our labor

a day we can feel rested

and begins our fear.

10.

a man and his lover quarrel

she has been with another while

he had been with his wife,

both are accusing unfaithfulness

both feel betrayed...  she can find 

it anytime - all he has is her,

she senses his needs

toying with his attention but

misunderstand his pride,

one day he is gone - she cannot

 remember why they fought.

August 1988 - page 2

1.

you spoke in anger

you acted with revenge

you want me to do

all the talking...  you

will never understand

the meaning of caring.

2.

we took our feelings and bruised

them and with stubborn pride

prevented a second chance.

3.

I loved you everyday 

more and deeper than

every before and

questioned that love

because I didn't deserve

it and thought I should

receive less than that.

4.

I wrote about you once before

when I could allow myself to

care and you cautiously loved

me but we could never find

any more common ground.

5.

I look over my shoulder 

expecting to see you...

expecting you to smile

and say let's try it again

since we were so good

for each other one time.

6.

we loved and lost

and allowed no 

more saying goodbye

to the best that we

had ever had so far.

7.

her eyes fell on deaf ears

still she would not plead

with him and they watched

it dissolve as if they had

never been anything at all.

8.

her test was unfair but

so was mine...  it was

either her way or mine,

always competition

always conflict

compromise did not exist.

9.

I wasn't trying to smother her

I just wanted her to care about

me more than she did...  it was

the indifference that was the

hardest thing to deal with now.

10.

she knew my response would

be negative but wanted to

prove her point since I had

been so understanding lately.

July 1988 - page 2

1.

a few days have passed and

I am convinced you no longer

care and if you did, what then?

learn to wait and believe in

one's ability is what you taught.

2.

will you love me after your

divorce or was it necessary

for someone like me to get

you to follow through?

3.

a cloud filled my day with

shade until you met me at the

door with your sunny disposition.

4.

the days of summer nights begin warm 

and sultry then the heat turns them 

into something wild and passionate.

5.

they were outside of each other's

thoughts all afternoon waiting for

the whistle to end the madness.

6.

once again a breath of fresh

air was needed to regain our

composure for what lay ahead.

7.

what will all our fooling around

we hardly had time to prepare

appropriate excuses to cover

our lengthy absences away.

8.

she worked on her "smart assed"

remarks and soon she was just

as disgusting as he had been.

9.

the summer nights were long and

casually filled with many diversions

to keep attention above the waist.

10.

her head stayed just above the

water line and it was good too

since she knew not how to swim.

June 1988 - page 2

1.

she believed that I cared

but would not continue,

she saw herself as the only

one upon which to fall,

she would not leave

herself unprotected ever.

2.

we transfer the control of our feelings

over to another, expecting them to

keep us at least as content as we

were when we were on our own.

3.

age brings with it complications

that youth is not experienced

enough to be able to see clearly.

4.

they were being measured on

the time it took to fill orders

so they used the coffee set

aside for customer refills.

5.

how long must we wait?

each service has a different

urgency and a rather

different level of importance.

6.

could she find her way without my help?

would she ever want to?

and...  after I was gone, what then?

would she want o keep on searching?

did I know enough to give her self respect?

there were common causes between us.

7.

I was twenty eight when I drifted

into another sea...  losing a chunk

of my self-esteem in the murky water,

something died inside and was

never buried...  and, my ship not quite

sunk with all its numerous holes,

floating on will power, fighting the

will that was inside me to survive.

8.

what do we pass onto our children?

of all the things that we have learned

what three would we share?

the others would be learned in time.

9.

she came in time and I to her

we tried to use each other but

found it difficult to understand.

10.

there was space inside for only one

and whose needs were greater or

more deserving and by what 

method had they been defined?

December 1988 - page 1

1.

each had their heights in inches

and were waiting more instructions

from the facilitator when it was

announced only the average

of them all would be computed.

2.

with the clock set

it began and gradually

they bloom alongside

each other on the road.

3.

I waited and

you waited and

neither of us

bothered to

leave notes.

4.

what were you to me anymore

I asked myself...

thinking it would help my mind

if I had a clear answer...

with which I could act upon.

5.

his words easily left

but not easily were

they ever followed.

6.

nothing could have prevented our

attraction it seemed...  deciding

that a smile and eye contact might

not appear too suggestive...

especially since we just met,

maybe we were lonely and saw

something to share without

having the fear of being used

and without any obligations,

like good friends who share and

expect nothing more than what

they have given me aready.

7.

they never stopped

the process to make 

it better...  therefore

it became somewhat

increasingly worse.

8.

she was back, she said

and there were some things

that he should just remember,

she had learned from him well,

all those little play with words

rather than just outright,

she knew of his love

and what he spoke but was

still confused with actions,

she knew that he was

not always there but

was always there

when she needed him.

9.

she wanted to be

his girl and only

his girl and would 

have been if she

was not married.

10.

she love him more

than any other but

never totally had him.

November 1988 - page 1

1

how complicated

our livers become

when feeling for

another grow.

.
2.

we differ in so many

ways and manage to

stray and remain friends.

3.

in a gesture of faith

we put down our anger

opening our hearts,

in a gesture of faith

a dialogue was set.

creating a truce,

in a gesture of faith

we concern ourselves with

what will bring us peace.

4.

and the bombs still ring

inside his sympathies while

the rest of us try to sleep.

5.

the weather paints us depressed

on these days when what we

don't need is anymore pain.

6.

too much passivity

she thought...

she was giving in to

all that he ever wanted.

7.

slowly falls...  it does

rain whenever it appears

not too often anymore.

8.

she tries her best not to

cry...  keeping to herself 

what he took from her.

9.

anxious not as much as he

she was and would not change

at all for my mother's son.

10.

he had out foxed her

with little satisfaction

now that she was gone.

October 1988 - page 1

1.

there was one wall remaining

one called confidence...

there was only one battle

left to fight...  his struggle

over and he would be free.

2.

to his head an imaginary gun

was brought...  firing an imaginary

bullet into his skull and when

he reached inside to repaid the

damage found how little he knew.

3.

policies dictate policy while

rewriting does not always

bring clarity out too bear.

4.

he street cents brought her

cups of coffee but nothing 

could be as expensive as

her valuable lost innocence.

5.

it was a celebration of the eyes

and we smiled at each other,

it was no performance nor wat

it silly sarcasm...  it was still an

unexplained attraction we had.

6.

the light was a warning

that the morning never

seemed to have heeded.

7.

I can imagine still

how I'd think you'd feel

but there will be no chance.

8.

I call out your name

and others too and

one by one they all

decided to hide in.

9.

she never left the

wind's currents

being blown away

from one to the next.

10.

they eyes attract more

when we know that we

do not know what we

are really after here.

September 1988 - page 1

1.

it was the mannerisms I could not forget

they were there in everyone I saw and

talked with...  it was the smile and the

lost innocent look and the eyes shared

all of her experiences...  it was the

mannerism I could not seem to loose,

it was a sound memory, one that would

lost because I did not belong...   as it

should have been and the forever

seems a little too long to remember.

2.

we brought wisdom with us and

it only made the situation worse,

we wanted the truth to forecast our future

and we received the law instead, granting

our visions but not our heart's passage,

quiet and cold the evening breaks

into the day and we are prevented

from the rest we were still desiring.

3.

his fate was sealed years ago

when it was her destiny that

their paths should meet...

little did she know the impact

it would have on her life

not now but years later as she

reflected upon her life in the

hopes of guiding her children.

4.

he led his men as a properly trained military man

a man from the Point...  they responded out of

loyalty and respect for his age...  a boy of fifteen

with the scars of battle few will ever see...

no religious war this was he fought and there

was no question of right or wrong...  good or evil,

but of a loser's pride...  to go out in anger with

those who brought him in and with those who

would not let him out and with those who would

not give him a chance...  his only friends they were.

5.

she did not see my

eyes staring at her

wanting her her to

only be with me.

6.

her lovely breasts rose

with his touch and with 

his kiss she could not stop.

7.

the light shines brightly

more than ever before

this night but has never

shown that bright since.

8.

they loved each other

but were afraid to show

or even say it to anyone.

9.

concentration play an

important role in this

new way to see you.

10.

we rehearsed our lines

without incident and you

won't accept it as it is.

August 1988 - page 1

1.

a storm rolls in over our land

quiet and ominous

and we cannot listen like we should

so we recommend 

finding ourselves without a shield.

2.

she's leaving home for the first time

feeling angry and betrayed,

although she tested the limits and

encountered resistance and prefers

to live by herself without controls.

3.

she our-foxed herself deciding she

was better off without a father and

from now on she'll tell whoever

that asks that he died in the war.

4.

she listened to his complaints

she tolerated his insecurities

she wanted his love and no other

but when he talked in the past

she stopped counting on him.

5.

what else is there to offer?

What else?

she'll put herself in shame,

I'll love her until I die

and I'll think of her often as

she matures and reaches for

the sky...  this is the only 

love I know how to show.

6.

I gave her advice...

maybe too strong...

I gave her criticism...

perhaps too often...

Into another's arms she turned

for what I could not provide,

it was like she never

had a father at all...

7.

she sent me packing and

was probably right...

it would never be like it was,

she could never love me

without someone else on 

which to fall back upon...

she would never be alone.

8.

who would ever want you for real

married twice with two kids and a

history of looking across the fence.

9.

It was never this easy with me

you always made me feel I had

to work at simply loving you.

10.

a series of mistakes over sixteen

weeks and we were no longer...

how fragile was the love that

couldn't endure that...  how weak

were the feelings we claimed to

have...  we did not deserve any

thing more than what happened.

July 1988 - page 1

1

she felt things slipping away

down into the hollowness

of her worst fears....

"I just want this chance to love you,"

she said with tears in her eyes,

"if I don't take it now, I'll

never get it again..."

2.

no one beat the system

they only learn how

to play within it.

3.

you thoughts come back to me

like solid little ball bouncing

their way in and out of reality.

4.

morning prepares me not for exercise

but for your memory and the last time

we were together...  and they pass

quickly until the next time together.

5.

I wanted to imagine her at

home with me but there

were too many other forces

always standing in our way.

6.

there was the photograph she had

give him...  the one she wanted

him to look at and think of her.

7.

down the road dogs

bark at a lonely moon

as another summer

weekend comes to

its inevitable end;

the last can of beer is

tossed in the ditch of

a neighbor's yard and

we see ourselves as 

adult-like in behavior.

8.

I caught the fever of

loving you and paid 

the price for it...  you

would be passionate

and daring for as long

as it pleased you to

make it so then stop.

9.

I worry out of ignorance

that you have less to loose,

and as long as my passion

can conceal your guilt

you're happy to remain.

10.

you've said a lot of things

and I wonder just how

serious you've been...

it seemed more at the

time but I could have

been fooled by you.

June 1988 - page 1

1.

the curious watch and the nail-biters

continue to improve their abilities

at hiding stress...  we think...

we think without emotions.

2.

it was just a room in which we 

lived but we could do anything,

see anything...  be anything...

it was just a room but the maids called

us jocks because of exercise machines,

it was just a room in which we lived

and from which our souls were formed.

3.

we were gathered in a large house

with one objective...  to survive,

the more we thought about ourselves

the less success we had...

our discoveries went unnoticed.

4.

back in the city where hiding things

was most appropriate, we laid

awake in each other's arms wanting

to dress our feelings before they

were seen and misunderstood.

5.

I can still see her...  sitting there

in a natural condition waiting for

me to look up and when I did

she would smile and whisper

her intent and I would relax.

6.

she took my hand and with it

my heart felt a heaviness and

I was told to lie still...  it was

her turn to love me and she

did I was never the same again.

7.

with whom could I share this feeling

of joy so wonderful since we met...

of love, so unbelievable since we 

first laid together...  of our caring so

special since you shared understanding

and needs with me...  and of honesty

since our trust had nothing to loose.

8.

days pass by

some noticed

others not,

only the time

we are together

we control...

or think we do

until the painless

onslaught of age

remembers the 

lack of control

we really do have.

9.

the reality of two different worlds

from which we come yield a 

here today give tomorrow attitude,

we can make it so or we can find

a way to make it all otherwise.

10.

the soft side of her heart

was given to me but the

scheming side played my

two personalities against

the middle...  we never

even had a fighting chance.

 Deliberately

Destin

May 5, 2021

Reticent Allies

the morning breeze disappears

overcast colors capture the sky

seagulls spread baseless rumors

about the intentions of tourist;

footprints hide in the white sand

a century of time has vanished,

and endless battle between the

land the water constantly visits,

not sharing the stories it brings

from it various points of origin

or rhythms it now seeks passing;

flocks of gulls furloughed here

hitchhike the prevailing winds,

riding their currents like

broncos bucked off by bulls

and float down to the surface,

following a trail of crumbs

left by ill-mannered tourists,

who perceive they own

all that they survey and

maintain dominion over all

that is survey, subordinating

all other forms of life but

giving the water and sky

control over what's left.

Always Elsewhere

I can see the sand stretched

from one side to the other

like imagination...

I can see the overcast sky and

distinguish light from dark;

I can see a row of umbrellas

in an endless line as if

reflections in mirrors they be;

I can see the sand dunes that

form mounds as far as one ca see,

dividing beach from property

some of which tall, some small;

I can see the blue green waters of

the gulf that endlessly assault the

shoreline on which humans play;

I can see everything

I am supposed to see...

but no more as the rest is

left up to my imagination and

my creative instincts that

brought me here originally to

avoid life's similarities

that exists everywhere

although we believe it to be

somewhat different elsewhere.

Waves of Time

ocean spirits

live within the waves

that crash along the land

in reckless madness

directed by some

unseen force...

some mystic magic

wrapped its hands

around endless efforts

of bipolar behaviors

regulated only by the

gods who brought it

with their poetic natures;

unassuming and 

faithfully relentless,

it pursues...

and captures those who

respect yesterdays

and past choices

brought about by hidden

voices of imaginations;

seasoned and secular,

it preys upon its victims

without the fear that it

may never disappear.

Watery Graves

watery graves

belong to no one

in particular

but to everyone

in general...

who visits these shores

and drinks it waters

of forgetfulness...

hoping to steal the

memories of accusations

falsely made

falsely perpetrated

against all inhabitants

who occupy graves...

lives lost

lives found

lives discarded

haphazardly...

and with respect to all

and those who took a

chance swimming here.