I know I won't get it at home and that the odds are also
against finding someone with which to have an affair..
I think about you almost everyday
how beautiful you were and how lucky
I was to have you love me just briefly,
now I realize the impact you had on me.
in from the outside the sun and its warmth
is magnified by the window glass... my
hands retain the outside temperature as
writing anything becomes an exercise in
futility... while my opponent struggles to
change my mental disbeliefs as is the
routine everyday... yet, I always express
that which I want to fell regardless.
another night catches me unprepared
thinking of those things that happened
to me years ago... tormented by those
actions then and your forgiveness now,
even though it's only what I think you do,
and the irony of this is that you have
forgotten more about me than I you.
and when the phone rings
I too am startled, thinking
it is you who has had
enough time to find me.
"I'm one of those dolls in the back of the car," she answered.
"your boyfriend got one of those in his car, does he," I sarcastically asked?
She left without a reply to wash the dishes
she'd been putting off for over an hour now.
my life has become boringly routine
and uninterestingly characteristic of
a man my age... I have no choice
but to find a way to act differently.
I have a box full of letters I've
written but never sent to you,
I never meant to send them,
they were just for me and my
feelings and I didn't expect
that you would ever understand.
I wanted to contract with you
but you wouldn't respond so I'll
do my business with the devil.
I found you cold and hungry
and gave you the warmth and
all the food that you needed,
you left the next day because
I would not sleep with you.
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