insanity like some border patrol
guarding an outpost that is not
worth the time to even salvage,
we live within the boundaries of
chaotic turmoil attempting to justify
and rationalize our acceptance of
the daily ordeal... trying to put
together the pieces... rebuild our
insanity as if the burden will let us
even assume that kind of control,
we live without hate
without love
without feelings
without friendships
yet, our frustrations have embittered
our attitudes towards each other,
we appear as victims of some
meaningless white collar crime
on exile... refugees of a
marriage that has lost its vitality.
without the lack of chance
and the risk that life offers
more than one already has,
we would never have the
courage to alter our reality,
suiting our dream illusions
and choosing a new destiny
rather than accepting the
one already selected for us.
humility has no limitations
only a surrender to a lesser
of two ill gotten influences,
each bearing a price that
simply depends on how
much one wants to lose.
we are limited in thought
in deed and in purpose,
we are committed in body
in mind and in our spirit
and we are veterans
seasoned, gritting and
fairly evenly determined,
we are all things to all people,
we are enigmas in red, white, and blue,
we are Americans in all things we do,
we are the story told in classrooms,
we are life's lessons told in courtrooms,
we are your history.
she stops and looks at him.
"could I ask you a question?"
"yes," he said and nodding his head at her.
"in the morning you sit at one table and
I sit at another... we smile at each other..."
pausing he looks down at the sidewalk.
Yes."
"could we sit together," she asks?
"I'm married."
"so am I," she responds.
"why," he asks?
I, don't know... I'm attracted to you I guess..."
"I don't know you," he states.
"I don't know you either," she replies.
"I don't think we better," he explains.
"well... I'm sorry... I didn't... I hope I have not offended you."
"no, not at all," he replies.
she walks off towards her automobile and stops...
she turns in his direction...
"hey what's your name?"
but, before he can responds she says,
"save me a seat tomorrow."
I
I can remember this morning
wanting to speak with you,
wishing there was a way we could meet,
the first meeting is always
the most uncomfortable...
getting things started.
II
I can remember how you looked
how you smiled
sometimes thinking it is all for me,
if you only knew I go there to see you
hoping we can somehow be together,
sharing our married love.
III
foolish of me to think we could be together
bands of gold put us with someone else,
what chance would our straying occur
at a time that is right for both of us.
evening's colors mix and fold together
highlighting darks and darker backgrounds,
deceiving us with their depths of field,
reflecting fog in what little light there is
obscured vision of close by objects,
shadows appear on our flanks and a
faint horizon seems to move up and down
as if the whole world is in a boat rocking
to the movement of waves, relentless
and ever so rhythmic in their cadence,
and the rain cleans the earth of her snow
while creatures large and small huddle
in her crevices and holes, keeping warm,
the pace of life slows a little
a cool wind colorless and damp blows freely
through the silent darkness and shadows
move like reflections on a pond's surface
and are soon stilled by calmness...
over and over again these patterns are
repeated as the evening's colors mix
and fold into the changing night.
genuine feelings emerge
from deep within
a frozen barrier
a reef of incompleteness
a formation of doubt
released in a sequence;
patterns less complicated
forming unusual shadows
a roof top ballet
a show of light and sound
waiting in a pronounced sort of way;
a depressing situation
left along with mute dialogue
a crazy morning ends in frustration
a mild form of disappointment
persuades to ignore the unimportant.
or any day for that matter
strange our meeting anyway
you look so nice to me and
from out of nowhere you appear,
my fortune becomes misfortune
as I disrespect your integrity.
anxiety fills my thoughts
waiting to see if you'll be there...
perhaps not so hard should I
wish for tomorrow to arrive.
behind closed doors
waiting for me to
intrude upon her world,
she lives for herself,
singing away the night
she flirts with the men who
attract her attention,
soon someone new will
feel and taste the aroma
of her womanhood...
she relieves the pain of
desire by her own touch,
imagining something
new and fresh inside.
inside our wintery cocoon
warm and lazy
we are occupied with
different interests,
another day passes
fretting opportunities
made up on Saturday,
still you guilt manifests
itself in housework
as I pace the floors
admonishing your behavior.
the door to you closed tightly,
my mornings now are empty
and only I am to blame for it.
each day passes slower than the day before
taking me farther away from your presence,
often imagining we are dissolved like
crystals of sugar in a cup of coffee, slowly
mixing the influence of our apprehensions.
into my world you again appeared
just as pretty today as last week,
and all I had to go on was a faint
image kept inside my head...
if only I could be direct
assertive.. some might say
yet I know that will never be
remaining to myself and always
locked inside an enduring conflict.
silence swirls around us
worn like borrowed clothes,
we hide behind them
shy creatures at best...
punctuating well concealed
feelings with deliberate quiet,
a failure to communicate
best describes our
dispassionate situations
as we point out our
partner's deficiencies.
our weekends are spent waiting
for someone to talk...
not knowing what to say
or how to say it...
believing silence communicates
all we can be...
a type of inspired quarrelling
that keeps us wanting,
anticipating there must be more.
beside you rests the irregular side of life
loosely worn, your likeable behavior
is shared and guides you through the day,
responsive to others, you initiate the
positive sign of the zodiac while some
struggle in a zoo-like atmosphere at work,
living to help others is everything to you.
today, your smile enticed me closer
reminding me of my routines and
all my yesterdays seemed so old,
willingly, I read your invitation as
those who loved me taught me to
live with the past instead of
migrating South avoiding tomorrows.
carefully, you hold your excitement
wrapped up in a cloth-like mental shroud,
inside your thoughts...
lovingly protected, you continue
each day to overlook life's unkindness,
believing that people are all
your brothers and sisters.
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