Poetic Muses - November 1987

she worked two jobs and put three

children through college...   her

family was a lot closer than mine,

but I borrowed no hints from her.

she stood just shy of five and a half

with jet black hair to her shoulders,

and a pale but healthy appearance,

her smile was more than enough to

attract my interest...  but the ring on

her finger kept her from being mine,

yet, I still imagined how it would be.

she crossed her legs and broke

my glasses and we never saw

each other again after that.

I watched you pass but you did not see me,

I watched my fantasy fade from view,

knowing that if you were really interested

you would have let me know by now.

moods change with our dreams as

we seek to fulfill our empty needs.

she changed my future and its direction

she made me admit my weaknesses

then left me alone with all the fears.

I called you because I

need to be with my past

and see if it there was

something to change it.

once a month I journey south to the park

I presume because that where I should be,

and every month I feel like a stranger

and that's just the way its going to be.

in your outstretched hand you hold

the key to my survival...  if you can

solve the mystery of my life...   and

if you can secure my loneliness.

the redhead smiled and I remembered

her from somewhere...  I just can't remember,

she laughed and I remembered her lips,

she frowned and I remembered her goodbyes.

she continue to see me up

until my divorce was final,

then she stopped because

there was no more excitement.

she told me over and over again

there was nobody else and I was

beginning to believe her... then,

one day I came home early and

found her with our new neighbor.

she stopped long enough to call me...

I had not much time to listen...

she said, "we're through..."

I said, "thank you..."

we left in different directions.

A

at the break, I went outside

in the hopes that someone

would eventually speak...

no one approached me so I

venture back inside to my seat,

B

I wondered who they all were,

but I could read their name tags,

so I gave them bogus names

according to their appearance.

I try to find women with whom I

might be able to have an affair...

knowing it will complicate my life

but not having them makes it worse.

it's been a while since last we met

but I can remember all your moves,

I can remember your touch like it was yesterday,

but what makes me feel the best is that

you want me as much as I want you.

your hate lives deep inside me

as my hate lives deep inside you,

we got what we paid for...

we paid what we bargained for...

so neither of us can complain.

I want you for my own

but had to share...

my interest in you faded as

I wanted someone who was

willing to be mine alone.

she looked dangerous in those clothes

that she decided to wear today...

in need of companionship she was,

and she was selectively patient.

in my mind I see you plainly

laying there with me

on the ground

making love...

in my mind I see these things

and what is real is

something altogether different.