December 1995 - page 4

1.

I can pretend to

be what you want

and probably fool you

for a while...  but,

my attraction to you

was based upon you

letting me be myself.

2.

I will live

like this a

little more

than I will

begin to stray.

3.

little by little

we drift apart

because our congruence

was not overshadowed

by our love.

4.

save me today and

again tomorrow from me

saying we don't mesh.

5.

you will not let

anyone take care

of you but you find

several ways to 

take care of them,

almost to the point

of showing off or

in some competition.

6.

she works hard but

at meaningless jobs,

making little more

than she need to get by

and in the winter she

drives a car without 

any heat wearing

clothes and coats.

7

build me a new

image if you will,

one in which I am

less tolerant of you

than I am right now.

8.

your greatest claim is saying

what have you done not to show

your love for me, and while

that puts you in an untouchable

position for the moment... so,

let me tell you what I have

been seeing...  your actions

contradict your words...  as you

leave for hours without saying

a word...  and, when you are

upset with me you blame

everything you do on me...

you wear tight clothes and

notice other men just to see

if I will say anything...  and you

pay people back worse than

they got you and you have these

double standards where it is

only right for you and when

that is challenged then you say

someone's being mean to you.

9.

I am fair and will

turn the other cheek

but if there is something

that is unfair, then

my sixties upbringing

rules all my actions.

10.

you are a hard one

to please...  you have

a worker mentality

and you greatest 

claim to fame is

holding your own

with all the males.

December 1995 - page 3

1.

each month brings us closer

to a life together or apart,

each month shows us what

our partner is really like,

each month has us confused

with our emotions,

each month fills us full of

happiness or regret...

each month passes as we

continue non proposed.

2.

the future sings

softly in my ears,

and I am not so

hasty as before,

and what I want

is no longer what

I need but what

I am accepting.

3.

she has children and her

husband leaves he alone,

she has desires and her

needs are met by another.

4.

we are not friends

nor are we enemies,

we are strangers who

what to share nothing

nor do we give or take,

simply giving what

we have to and taking

what we can and

hoping someone acts

soon so we don't have to.

5.

we are fortunate

we are dimple

no pure thoughts anymore

like we used to,

we are lean and mean and

hungry for advice,

we tend to ear foods without spice,

we are young and old

with no scars

or rough hands,

we tinker with the mind

and sometimes

we save a few.

6.

she dresses to look nice

because both men and women

take shots at her and she

wonders when her misery

will be replaced by happiness,

and she deserves what she will

but needs to look inside to see

what really stands in her way.

7.

my education stands

in our way but would not

if you were like me and

could understand all

that I cannot explain.

8.

bring me hope

bring me relief

for all that I have done

bring me respect

from those I have not won

bring me death

bring me satisfaction

bring me an end

to all that's left undone.

9.

war is stupid

so is fighting

and yet

we are aggressive

with our spouses

when angry,

we are stupid

having learned nothing

from years of

disaster.

10.

let me provide you

with all that you need,

let me take care of you,

and in return all I ask

is for you to be not

so damn independent.

December 1995 - page 2

1.

there is only one

can only be me

if you'll agree

to my interpretation

of your love for me.

2.

I have you

on my side

but you want

to know

others as well.

3.

when I tell her I don't mind

her spending habits

I really don't

but I do wish she would

regulate herself,

if I tell her not to spend

so much, she claims

I'm worried about how much

she is spending...  trying

her best to make me feel guilty

by telling me I am

treating her mean...

I'm not worried about how

much she spends but

I am concerned that

she just will never stop.

4.
I am concerned

that you make

comparisons that

are of an unlike nature

thinking, you are

absolutely correct 

in your analysis which

ain't necessarily so.

5.

you expect a certain

treatment, just like I did

when it is not present...

you turn away just like I did

now the difference is I

am not saying anything

about it like you did.

6.

you have the same mentality

as those who are uneducated

and it is beginning to

show up in your behaviors

and attitudes that have

always been foreign to you.

7.

it is the firs

of the month

and we have our

first dusting of snow...

now everyone is

talking to see if

anyone had problems

getting outside.

8.

what do we do

today and the

the next day and

the next...  if we

are concerned with

our inability to

compromise today?

9.

tell me a certainty

tell me a lie

feel me what you are hiding

before I die...

tell me the truth

tell me your speculations

tell me the price you paid

to have your own way.

10.

some woman

talked to me

about what I am doing

and you say

you have been left out

so why don't you

find a way to join in

like you told me to.?

December 1995 - page 1

1.

my eyes are fuzzy

when I look close

but far away

in a big picture style

there is clarity.

2.

we travel endlessly

in our minds,

to all points between

imagination and reality,

and when we meet

friends along the way,

we search our calendars

to see if we can stay.

3.

you sleep beside me

every night,

doing what you care to

do every day,

when our pathways coincide

we are grateful.

4.

I stand on my own,

if I sink or swim so

be careful how you

play me  and do not

leave me in Tennessee.

5.

she has no choice

but to let me

take care of her

even though her

life has been free

of all that for years.

6.

lights in my eyes

lights behind my back

light enter my mind

through a variety of means

a source of darkness

is what I seek.

7.

a world at peace

is what we have

and a movie industry that

has bizarre violence.

8.

they came dressed in diamonds

and fancy clothes with their

superior ways and means,

they came with their pearls

and real estate holdings and

checkbooks open to help

finance all their opinions,

they have old and new money

and money stained with blood

symbolic of their closed eyes,

they have church on their side

and government

and education

and are favorite sons of the law,

they have power and prestige 

from sun up to sun down

and the only thing they truly

love is their own greed and

who they can defeat...

they are our essence

they are this land

they are our inheritance.

9.

paint me a pretty picture

so I can see the happiness

that I know someone has

somewhere in this land.

10.

there is no law or policy

or procedure if both side

are equally correct and

equally wrong in the

analysis of one's debate.

November 1995 - page 5

1.

you will stay or 

you will go...  it

makes no difference

to me...  you serve

a purpose that can

be accomplished

by anyone dear.

2.

she has be youth

her virginity

and he had a subject

willing to be molded

into his version

of how a woman

should be...  yet,

always in a very

submissive role.

3.

bring me off gradually

but bring me off,

with your hands or mouth

I do not care,

you will do my bidding

or you will do nothing

for me at all.

4.

you must first put

your house in order,

before you can tell me

what I should do

and then there are the 

issues of regret and

trust that are shared.

5.

the silence of the rose

of lambs...  gently being

led without a care,

with the only reward

being a careful blend

of pain and love...

and if you submit,

what do you feel?

what do you want?

solve the riddle to these

puzzles my dear...

and what of the rose

or any flower to which

we must obey...  to achieve

a semblance of normalcy

if ever...  indeed...

and what do you gain by

what you elect as you

serve the rose with every

position of your physical

and mental humiliation.

6.

show me good fortune

and I will show you

someone who does not

think too highly of 

anyone but themselves.

7.

I will not be all that you

want me to be because

I simply belong to no one.

8.

take my money

spend it as you will

but fuss no longer

at what I spend at will,

and remember you 

can only question what

is not understood.

9.

there is no relief from the cold

inside or outside...  I wonder

who can help what it will cost

or when it will arrive...  we have

what we need...  our wants minimal,

something is missing...  there is

no pardon...  no apology for

all that we have become recently.

10.

age has kept them sleepless

with strange diets and they

listen to each other because

no one else gives a damn.

November 1995 - page 4

1.

she wasn't very smart

she wasn't very pretty

she had a well developed body

she wore clothes tight and open

she had plenty of boys

but no one stayed very long.

2.

this world hates blacks

does not want interracial couples

does let blacks have good jobs

put more of them in prison

and yet has no problems

applauding their efforts

in all forms of sports.

3.

where am I today

where will I be tomorrow

will you be with me?

4.

I have you

on my mind,

I have you

deep inside me,

I have you

in my heart,

and your memory

will be with me

until I die.

5.

can I see you 

one more time

before I die?

can I touch your face

and will that memory

stay with me forever?

can I take you

with me when I die

because I do not like

being alone?

can I learn to 

love you

as you love me

as I should do

to myself?

6.

the old man struggled to walk

wishing his life was over,

wishing all his battles were done,

the old man sat by the window

watching the birds swim free

into the wind...   masked by the

sun in the face as it passed,

the old man never smiled or

never laughed anymore even

when his children visited him,

the old man and his woman

had their house in order

waiting each day for their

debt to life to finally be repaid.

7.

she does not mind the work

she does not want to be told

that is is her work only because

he has a job bringing in more money

and when that wasn't the case

he had helped out all the time.

8.

she jumps to do

this and that

expecting him

to jump as well

and when he

does not jump,

she calls him

a lazy shit, and

says she does not

know why she

remains with him.

9.

they watch the illusion

on the same screen,

presupposing they

themselves are just

as magical as he was.

10.

for years he drove a truck

up and down the interstate,

for years he wondered if

someone else was with his

lady and even if they were

it does not seem so important

at the age of seventy-four.

November 1995 - page 3

1.

give me the strength

to endure your shit

so that I might outlast you,

knowing that in so doing

you will withdraw and

I will have less than

what I started with.

2.

she goes to work

at the same time,

but there is no proof

that she arrives or

stays all day once

she does arrive

and it would not

surprise me if she

was with another

man because that

would give her the

strength she needed

to resist loving me.

3.

what will I have

if you leave,

will I gain or lose?

there will probably

be a little of both,

I believe...  since

I am not sure what 

kind of man you need,

but I suppose you

are looking for a

parent rather than a

companion since

your looks get you

any many you need,

yet who would stay?

4.

I am here today

gone tomorrow

and if by chance

I end up alone

sobeit because

what's the point

of sharing time

with someone 

with whom one

does not want to be.

5.

my mind is chained to yours

in more ways than you know

or want to admit and try as

you may my dear you are

better off with me than with

someone else and that is what

bothers you about staying with

me and losing all your control.

6.

she say she doesn't bitch

but when one fusses or

complains about how 

something has been done

is what I mean and she

does plenty of that and

it happens all the time.

7.

you make a big deal

out of nothing and

each time you do,

I am the one who

must pay the price

until you get over it.

8.

they were divorced

living in different worlds

they met once a week

at McDonalds to  share

the children over coffee.

9.

it was wonderful

the best it has been in a

while and you know it.

10.

"good morning," he said

"It was until just now," she replied,

"my boss told me I was a smart ass."

November 1995 - page 2

1.

you leave

wanting me to...

and,

when it is not as you

want it to be,

you leave

without

saying a word.

2.

my life was happy

when we first met

as was yours

by your own words,

and now,

we have tried to rearrange

and change

each other's

points-of-view,

and now,

I wonder how much you

want me if I

am not all that you

want me to be,

and,

will that now or

eventually give us

back our happiness?

3.

my life is blended

with yours intertwined if you

will and for ever.

 
4.

I want to know for sure

if you are willing to  get

me to stay...  knowing

that it may not be your way

and when you decide  you

don't want to play that

game...  remember...  you

have asked the same of me.

5.

my poems

have no substance

anymore,

no meaning,

they are written

out of the frustration

I feel living with you.

6.

is it ok to

send your 

wife off to

work while

you stay in

bed if one

can get away

with it now?

7.

she tried to ignore him

leave the house without

saying goodbye...

not letting him know where

she is going after work...

stays in another room

while he is home at night...

but,  he still holds onto her

after being so cruel,

there is silence between them

as well as distance,

never being father apart,

she tries to ignore him

but to serve what purpose,

still he wants to know

as if she is here for money

or if she is here for him.

8.

she will push him away

and into the arms of another

becoming the woman she

took him away from before.

9.

we sleep in the same bed

but we touch as if strangers

keeping the intimacy we

have previously shared inside.

10.

you want to run the show

and when you cannot you

swell up like a spoiled child.

November 1995 - page 1

1.

I will turn fifty alone

and I will be no longer

under your control...

dressing as I want to dress

talking as I want to talk

and needing only those

who need me...  and

not like you when it is

only convenient for you.

2.

this is the last time

I will let you

or anyone else

tell me

what to do

never again.

3.

you can pretend

all you want,

you can be this or that

but you will

no longer

touch my heart.

4.

I am tired of

relationships

that go from

bad to worse

and I am afraid

of letting myself

love anyone

even again.

5.

I will finish

paying off the debt

but I want you

out of my life,

the sooner the better

and I want you

to give what you will

to someone else.

6.

you remain with me

because you have to  financially

and because you do not 

want your ex-husband

\to learn you have failed.

7.

all I feel for you anymore

is anger and resentment

not only at you but

towards myself for letting

myself be so stupid.

8.

get away from me woman

find another with whom

you can play your games.

9.

I am in no one's debt

I belong to no one

you will never

have me anymore than

you have me today

and what we both have

is on a loaner basis.

10.

there were no more

thoughts,

no more poems,

no more days of

happiness,

all our hopes and dreams

were caught up in

our battles for control,

and if,

we loved each other

we would have had

no days like these...

wondering this or that,

being loyal,

would be of no concern

because that would

be the only way to be.

October 1995 - page 5

1.

she is the best at

setting one up,

making one feel as though

they are to blame,

the game is played

once or twice, then

one knows what

she is going and just

fuels the fire.

2.

she does not like

going without me,

unless it is at

her request, otherwise

she is feeling that she

is being manipulated.

3.

once we were a

happy couple

but no more

she tried to be to me

what her ex was to her

but I am not falling for it.

4.

you lacked money

I lacked emotional security

we are opposites

out of control

hurting each other in the process

seeing only our

points of view,

we are in a struggle that will

cause us both to lose.

5.

your anger is apparent

you hold me in contempt

all you want to do

is use my money...

depreciate my belongings

as you believe I have done to you

before you jump the fence.

6.

there is nothing

good about the morning

not when one is

angry and alone

but work must be done

and life goes on

nonetheless just

a little less arrogant.

7.

this is the beginning

of the end,

I can feel the atmosphere

like it was before,

comments to make the

other person feel low,

at the bottom

no hope

I hate you

I hate you

I hate you

I wish I had never met you

I won't go anywhere with you

but I'll take your car

this is what we expected

and knew but hoped

would not happen to us.

8.

If you want me

no one will get in

I don't need to be with you

just remember

how I feel.

9.

you must accept

who I am

just as

you are asking me

to accept you,

if you do not want

to be changed then

how do expect me to?

10.

you expect me to respond

a certain way

and when I don't 

it upsets you,

because you have no

responses for the unexpected

all you can say is

how much you hate me.

October 1995 - page 4

1.

where is your desire

where are your beliefs

for what

and why,

do you exist,

where are you going

where have you been

and what have you done to

make me interested?

2.

take me into

your confidence,

let me know

how you feel and

hide your fears so

I won't have to care.

3.

she has a blue collar mentality

which bring with it common

sense but no profound vision

of where she is or what she

wants to be...  just... comfortable

with the knowledge that  she

attracts most men she meets.

4.

no one knows

no one will know

or should

or would if they could,

it will be our secret

as long as you

don't boast to

any of your friends.

5.

she was a plain woman

ordinary to most

but on the weekends

she released a demon

from within that

possessed all she saw.

6.

she wanted him or

someone like him

physically

to live out

all those fantasies she

held inside

for all these years;

allowing no one

to know them before

reluctant to share

them now...  but, aware

for her own sake that

they should be released.

7.

wait for me

inside my

dreams...

and if

you get there

before I do,

then,

please make

room for me.

8.

I am free

to choose,

obligated

to no one

as you so

stated so

eloquently,

one day in

a typical

state of rage.

9.

open your blouse

let those large breasts

swing free...

and be seen,

let us see all that

has been hidden

each day,

let the females see

their competition,

and what is needed

to compete against you,

and let me understand

how it really is with you.

10.

I wonder what is wrong

when I have

difficulty some nights, 

getting hard...

and you say it is you or me,

not wanting sex and

right away I wonder

how much I'll do for you,

missing the notion of what

you might have done for me,

and if, words were spoken

to that affect  would you

fire back quickly with 

"the world doesn't revolve around you,"

but if it does not revolve around me

then it must revolve around you.

October 1995 - page 3

1.

the tables have turned

it is not the same

what went around

has returned and now

you are on the short end

of the stick as you must

let me grow away from you.

2.

down and dirty

we are

each of us

wanting what we

cannot give.

3.

you are not stupid

you know what you do

yet you say

it makes no difference to you,

and I say it does

because of the way you dress

at the very least

teases a male sexually

and that has a tendency

to force you to choose.

4

touch me here

but do not

touch me there,

you and I

are over and

I have no need for you

so why am I talking

to you now if

I feel that way?

.
5.

I see you

in my dreams

think of you

in my heart

want you

in my soul,

you are the sum total

of everything that is

or that will be.

6

measure me

in terms of

how I want to be

not how

you want me to be.

.
7.

it is my destiny

our destiny

to have each other

even though

doubts remain

in both our hearts.

8.

we are one

in what we

think or feel,

we are agreeable

not as mature

and stubborn,

we are unique

in how we

perceive desire.

9.

a cold wind howls

leaving me 

speechless...  hollow,

my feet are frozen

my flight broken

like a statue

I will remain

until morning.

10.

you have broken

my will,

sapped my courage,

intimidated me

into believing

that it is your will or

nothing at all.

October 1995 - page 2

1.

what to say to you

is a puzzle

what you want or need

is beyond

my capabilities,

where freedom and security

is what you had

at home with parents.

2.

up to her face

she held her hand,

her mouth

sucked on her finger,

in and out

it moved, slowly...

her eyes looked seductive

the other woman

stepped up to her close,

pressing her large tits

against her victim's,

an excitement raced

through both bodies,

nervous sweat appeared

on both bodies,

both were sensuous

both wanted the experience

of have each other.

3.

her nipples became

more erect as

she played with them,

passion mounted

between her legs,

she thought of her lover.

4.

we control everything

in our lives,

from anger to lust,

especially those in between

since they lead

to the extremes.

5.

my balls ache

for the touch of excitement,

from someone unknown

then I imagine

they will send me over

the edge of pleasure.

6.
inside me

dwell feelings

no one knows

that no one should know

since they may

think bad thoughts of me,

and I must

keep these feelings inside

forever...  sharing

them with no one

but myself.

7.

can you make my

dick erect without

any help from me,

can you create a mood

that excites me that much,

can you build the

passion in me so much

that I explode from

a single touch?

8.

I am your opposite

I am your friend

I am your enemy

I a your lover 

I am not someone

to take for granted

or to compare...  so,

stop your looking around.

9.

lack of trust 

is the behavior

of a traditional workforce,

lack of trust

has no place in a

self-directed workplace.

10.

she pressed her body

next to mine,

I feel her large soft breasts

against mine,

down moves her hand

down between my legs,

I feel the excitement inside

she is trying to create,

I lower my hand

to the same spot on her,

I feel her moist fur,

it excites me more than imagined,

she withdraws her hand

from between my legs,

placing those same fingers

easily inside my mouth,

I do the same to her,

in and out we both move them,

we both suck seductively,

we remove our fingers

in perfect harmony

and kiss hard but tenderly,

as we explore

with our tongues...

we are and will be

each other's secret forever.

October 1995 - page 1

1.

here is a process of this

a process of that

everything is a process

with steps and

procedures,

how to's

and why for's

but the process of relationships

is perhaps the most

difficult to understand

to make better.

2.

if this flirting

or aggravating

as you call it

is harmless, then

you won't mind if

I start to do it?

3.

you don't want to

be with a star

that attracts attention

because of the

privacy you say, but

the real reason

is competition

or the threat of same

but you still don't see how

I feel with you

and other men.

4.

you could loose me

simply because

you stopped paying attention

to what bothers me

saying it is of no concern

from your point-of-view.

5.

I will never

agree to marriage

or a divorce

until my concerns

are addressed.

6.

too many concerns

entered my mind

at the same time

and I was uncertain

as to the ones

that were of importance.

7.

bring me a woman

who knows

how to please a man

and I will

bring you a man who

constantly has

a wet dream.

8.

our circumstance

is unique

ours is different

unlike those

who stay together

for convenience sake

ours remains

because it is the only

thing for us to do.

9.

this is a birthday

month for

many of us

where wanting is not as

enjoyable as

having one anymore.

10.

I cannot get you

off my mind,

these weekends are special

when we get along

and you

don't make me fell

I'm just

along for the ride.

December 1988 - page 5

1.

it was a meaningful release of anger

there was little courage

in what we did and little room

left for apologies...  there was no

back-slapping laughter for us

and no one to mediate those differences

we could no longer tolerate...  it was an

experience non-repeatable, 

non-refundable without deposits;

it was something to  behold

if one could learn from all those

thing we did wrong or about which

we no longer gave a shit...

it was an appetite worth feeding

with crumbs of each other's passion

it was to have been mutual

with benefits and the like...

not the commonplace, but it just

wasn't one of those trips that

you could charge full fair...  it was

a memory better left buried

better left forgotten and abandoned.

 

2.

you heard me crying inside

and I knew we would

be come lovers...  a gentleness

surrounded the enticing web

left for each other...  an emotional

rush heated one cooled us

simultaneously...  I heard you

crying because of our attraction

and comforted you with my

understanding...  neither ran...

we could not escape being the victim

it was a day unlike any other day

yet we knew the costs and the

outcomes and still chose to remain.

3.

out there...

somewhere...

it calls...

like a boy scout summer camp

when morse code was taught,

and we learned what we could

and again in the military

except this time for keeps

for much more than just ourselves;

my life flickers like camp fires

glowing but dying embers

and wonder if it's all simply

another ghost story spoken

in low muted monotones;

when courage could be found in

any dictionary and on any friday

night with the boys under the bridge,

bought and paid for and caught

in an instant with reflected

light at the end of a blade

and human juice wiped clean

on the thighs of our levis...

was it courage or stupidity?

4.

and we wondered not long running

tossing as we ran our chains

zip-guns and knives (some called shivs)

from the flashing red lights, like the

flickering embers it seemed

rekindling a memory that should

have been left with the dead

bodies under the bridge...

left with the dead

a keen reminder of life before fifteen

and the nineteen year old's had

their own horrors to live...
we could have been but weren't

and we learned our code well

and we listened to stories

and were mesmerize by the fire

and slowly were able to forget

everything until now...

out there,,,

somewhere...

it found me...

5.

free from all the sights and sounds and

clutter, he lays outstretched on the bed,

hands behind his head, elbows pointing away,

legs crossed at the ankles, eyes open to a

glazed look where nothing matters...

and he wonders if God would approve of

sky diving or if the very religious could

ever be unfaithful, if love is only for sinners...

all the questions that border on religious

ambiguities...  hours pass from reality and

into nothingness...  and he looks at birds

as if they shouldn't fly and he looks at

teenagers as if they shouldn't die and he

feels too often that his cares and cries

go unheard...  when all he wants is someone

to love him back so he won't waste his

days just lying around looking up at the sky.

6.

can you read the hurt my heart has felt?

can you see the words written from

all my sensations of pain?

can you hear what hasn't been said?

can you feel my longing for you and

taste all the desires I suppress?

7.

our lives are so routine and

common that we're only supposed

to fall in love with those who are

not married...  has life become

that shallow for everyone?

where is it written that love is

constrained on paper vows?

so our love is not real and

therefore means nothing,

non existent feelings...

without purpose...

without morality...

all because we love someone

who we should not love.

8.

if the mail goes out today (Friday)

will you get it Tuesday?

If it wasn't Christmas you'd 

get it Monday but you're closed

so Tuesday will have to do.

9.

your anger lives on a footstool

beside the kitchen sink,

it elevates your suspicions

and distrust...  it keeps you

 on guard and safe...

and you are careful and ready

re-aligning those forces that allow

you to feel and care, hoping

that more justification to

sustain your anger will be found;

today or tomorrow

or net year...  it does not matter

because it will eventually be there.

10.

without the warmth of love

we are lifeless creatures,

doomed to the perils of loneliness

and what's worse is thinking

you have loved when you have not

or staying without love when

it could have easily been found.