August 1999- page 1

1.

it is funny in a way

and also sad how

you need to draw

attention to yourself

and want the male

with you not to say

a word...  the sad

part is that you may

not know what you

are doing but if you

do then you have a

personality that not

many men would

want in a wife dear.

2.

my life is not what it used to be,

I am not with the partner I am

with a competitor...  my jobs

are fine and I am learning much

but there still seems to be an

emptiness in me...  my life is

not what it needs to be and it is

up to me to change that if I can.

3.
you show no love for me

unless I let you have your

way which is what you 

accused me of and say it 

is something you are not

going to do for me at all.

4.

my life is what I make

of it...  it is not what I

think it should be, then

I would have done

something about it.

5.

I have a duty to sleep

in the same bed as you

and you have a duty to

withhold your feelings

from me when I don't

let you have your way.

6.

day after day

week after week

month after month

and it will soon be

year after year,

I write about all the

negative stuff we do

to each other and all

the bad things that 

you do to me...  and,

I continue to stay here

not because I have 

to have you but

because I know your

actions have me in

ia state of depression.

7.

we teach each other lessons

in a way to keep our lives

the way we think they should be,

but the reality of it is that we

are pushing each other away

and we hare holding back on the

feelings we are now showing.

8.

I feel this marriage is not good for

either of us and I feel there is less

and less love being shown...  I feel

this marriage will not last much

longer that either one or both of us

will begin to look around...  I feel

this marriage was a mistake becsause we

were raised under different points-of-view;

I feel this marriage is in deep trouble

and that it is not me or you that must

change but both of us...  I feel this

marriage was a compromise for you

that all I am for you is financial security,

I feel this marriage and the two of us

will never change...  especially you

because if you hold out long enough

you think you will get what you want.

9.

you act like you have a boyfriend

who you are seeing on your long

workdays and days off...  but I am

not supposed to notice or to say

anything about it because...

since you have someone, you don't

reallly care what happens to me,

nor do you ever say anything about

what I might be doing...  so, you

want me not to say anything to you.

10.

this year is half over and we have

been married for a little over a year

and it has been one of the worst years

of my life...  in fact, my entire life

has gone into the gutter since we met

and I left my wife to be with you more.