October 1999 - page 1

1.

it is almost an apology to myself

this morning is because I have not

written a word and it is the third

of a new month...  I see myself

this morning as someone new,

someone reborn...  but not in the

religious fever sense...  it is more

like my life has tranformed into

something new and special and I

have no idea where it is going

or where I might end up today.

2.

we have no doubts...  no safety nets...

no reassurances...  all we have is our

fear and our beliefs that what we do

today will be enough for tomorrow.

3.

I spend the entire weekend alone

and what's worse is that your were

angry with me because we did not

have sex when you wanted it and

when I asked you to wait until

tomorrow you refused...  but,  if

I had not have come home early,

you would not have wanted sex

untl the next day anyway honey.

  
4.

I see ou in my dreams and I wonder

why we ever wanted to be together

because we are as different as night

and day and mix as easily as oil

and water if the truth be known.

5.

behold...  for I give you a kingdom

in my father's land and you refuse

because you don't know who I am.

6.

the world struggles with poverty

and I wrestle with the love that

I may or may not ever possess.

7.

I see our crown of thorns and I 

weep for you...  my Lord...  I 

feel your pain and suffering and 

I weep for you...  my Lord...  I 

hold you in my heart and tightly

in my mind, hoping I will be 

like you when I grow up more.

8.

I hold my pain inside my heart

and the outside of me shows

no ill effects at all...  even though

my mental anguish would be

unbearable for a mortal's soul.

9.

I am no man...  alive and well

in Tennessee...  a little worse

for wear but nothing I cannot

handle...  I am no man...  and

live in no man's land this day.

10.

I ask for help and receive nothing,

I ask for love and receive nothing,

I ask for nothing and receive everything.