Thursday, September 30, 2021

December 1999 - page 1

1.
we spend our lives trying to find
happiness by looking externally
at who we are and what we have;
happiness is withinin us all
at least the potential...  it is a state
of mind where we accept who we
are and all that we currently have.

2.
you are like my parents wanting me to
be who I am not so you can have what
you want when you want it...  not really
caring about me and what I can provide.

3.
what I do...  I do for you...  is not something
I can say except partially...  what I do...  I do
for me so I can give you what you need and
hope that whatever it is...  is enough for you.

4.
I am a man caught in the middle
of finding himself and pleasing
someone who he feels he has to
keep...  with the underlying
feeling that she would leave in
a heart beat if she felt her life
would be better that what it is
with me...  and, my thoughts are
that is not much to base love on.

5.
I wish my life was a little more sable
even if i was building computers for
forty hours each week at ten an hour.

6.
God has a plan for me, not yet revealed,
it is a plan where I find peace-of-mind,
self-rewards and joy...  God has a plan
for me, not yet revealed...  where I will
use my talents that He wanted me to have.

7.
I see the fuiture for me and it is unclear...
I see the past for me and know that it has
brought me here...  I see today and srrive
to do the best I can accepting what it is.

8.
can I tell you how I feel or
will you laugh at me or
politely ask me to leave you.

9.
everyday I awake to darkness
and write until it is light...
hoping that the words I put
down will eventually be
more than a reflection of me.

10.
my confidence is returning
my belief in myself
my self-esteem is poised high
to carry my attitude...
I regret very little about
what has been done to me,
except to say,
I am sorry for all the pain
I have caused...   and as I
look inward for a little repair
maybe one day I will feel
comfortable with who I am.


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