April 1999 - page 1

1.

unhappiness follows me and those around me

it is not always my fault but other say it is,

we are left to ourselves... alone, looking for

anything to occupy our time and keep us

from seeing each other and when we do come

home, it is silence and alienation, ever increasing

the need to find ways to stay away more...

there is a fear in me that no way out exists and

we will remain in this lifestyle until forever.

2.

this is a day for jokes

for some reason, and

we know it all too well

but for some it is a time

to let a friend know

that you are open to

his advances and to

begin a new affair soon.

3.

your anger towards me

grows each day because

you look for ways to satisgy

and please yourself...

rather than seek out ways

to draw closer to your mate

through another compromise.

4.

your actions show me you care

more about yourself that you

carre about us...  even when our

relationship is good...  all this

does is reinforce what I already

thought and that is you never

did care too much about me,

I was just another escape.

5.
I don't know if you have another

lover or not...  or if you are baiting

the trap for soemone you have in mind,

but... what I do know is that while

your feeling are decresasing for me

because of what I have done or said,

mine too are decreasing for you as

a result of all this constant retaliation.

 

6.

each night we sleep in separate beds

and each day we go our separate ways

and each nigh when we return we keep

our thoughts and feeling away from

each other but remain in this state of

marriage because we have to while

we look for ways to be removed.

7.
I wish I could fina a mate that

would be perfect for me as I

would be perfect for her...

with neither of us trying to

control the other person because

their actions have made us

feel uncomfortable or even

worse made us feel insecure.

8.

there is no point to plan

a future for you and I at

this point-in-time...  I

must think only of myself

and what I want to do inside,

it is a pity that our conflicting

personalities have caused

this situation to occur.

9.

I should not tell you what to do

because I don't like it and you

should not do the same to me,

so, we both are quilty of that

if either of us could admit it;

what we really should do is

let the other person do whatever

it is that they want to do while

keeping our control to ourselves,

and then...  if we don't like

what the other one does then

we should just get up and leavc.

10.

these days have been

rough on both of us,

they seem to be getting

worse instead of better;

if there is progress, it can

quickly relapse into 

how it was all before...

but the sad thing about

it all is that my feelings

are numb and I just don't

seem to care anymore.