the frost that I see
on the ground
outside my window
is the same frost
that perpetuatlly
seems to lightly cover
all my emotions,
constantly keeping me
in a state of
immobilization.
2.
I have spent
most of my life
these fifty one years
looking at what
I don't have
rather than seeing
what I do and have
come to appreciate
my cup always
being half full.
3.
do I write like this now
because I am mentally
coping with a failed marriage
or because I am really looking
at life in a new way.
4.
before when
I was alone
I punished myself
by living alone
and I will not
do that again
especially since
I need to be
with people.
I have been told that
everything we experience
in life is to teach a lesson
and I have spent much
of my recent past trying to
identify what it was that
I was supposed to learn,
and have become frustrated
because nothing was acquired,
but now, I am beginning
to question that premise
and have started to
formulate my own...
there are really no lessons
to be learned because
that would tie us to a
cause and effect theory
which has truth...
but is not the point...
the point of life is simply
living without there
being a point to it.
6.
we seemed to have
reached our level of
compassion for each other,
prefurring to be alone
than together and
preferring to go places
by ourselves rather
than as partners...
we bring all the glamour
from other marriages and
relationships into this one
which then becomes the brunt
of all our misgivings...
there is not choice but
to leave and attempt to
rebuild on our own...
we seem to need that before
we entertain any company.
7.
I wish my life
could have been
a little different
or maybe the way
I see life... so I
could have enjoyed
it a little more
along the way.
8.
I am grateful
for this life,
don't get me wrong
but I am upset
with how I have
been unable to
appreciate it.
9.
it is cold inside
this room of mine,
cold outside my body
and my head...
it is cold inside my
heart and my thoughts
seem to stick instead
of peeling away
easily like before.
10.
I am no beggar's son
nor am I wealthy...
and in my dreams
I am not sure I want
to be bothered with it all
if I was either one of those.
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