Thursday, August 5, 2021

January 1999 - page 5

1.
I sometimes wish I
was not alive, then I
would be no burden
to anyone anymore,
not even myself.

2.
I must look to myself
for answers...  look to
myself for direction,
look to myself for
love and compassion,
look to myself for
whatever it is I need
and those who come in
contact with me will
eventually be safe.

3.
my moods swing
like the wind in
the mountains or
changes in the weather
at the Outer Banks
and I have come to
live with this reality
and its disappointments.

4.
there is no love
around here anymore,
there is sex
but there is nothing
to indicate caring,
and I fear that since I
have live in this before
that I will soon tire
of it all again and
will want to try
someone newer.

5.
it does not matter
anymore what
I feel for you
because you say
it does not matter
anymore for you
how you feel
about loving me.

6.
it is funny
in a way
how it all
fell apart
after our
marriage.

7.
I want to find my future
and I want to fix myself
so that when I get there
there will be no issues
concerning personalities.

8.
I was told that it seem thjat I
keep having problems with bosses
and it does not matter what
they do to me to incite my
reaction...  what matters is how
I react and if I react in an
adverse manner then I am the
one who is wrong, not them...
all my life I have been taught
to stand up for what I believe in
and now I am being asked to let
people walk all over my integrity.

9.
a man without a job
is no man at all in
my book and deserves
very little in terms of
any kind of reward.

10.
I spent too much time
writing about what I
don't have when I
should write about
what I do have and
build upon that...  but,
I am building upon my
positiveness about a
wife who does not know
how she feels anymore.


No comments:

Post a Comment