March 1999 - page 4

1.

it is funny in a way how

you back away when I

have done something

you don't like...  but, do

not realize the punishment

you bestow upom me is 

more severe than what I

did and results in me

pulling away from you.

2.

my life is in a limbo situation

these last few days with me

not knowing where I am going

but financially have enough

saved for me to survive you.

3.

if you were to come my way

what would you want tus to do

and how would you want us to do it

and when would you want us to do it

and what questions would you have

of me if everything else checked

out to your satisfaction...  there

would be little that we could do

to prevent the eventuality of it all.

4.

I soar on the shoulders of the wind

high above the hills surrounding

the valley in which I live...  I soar

free and easy, away from the violence

that scars thoughts and feelings of

how our lives should really be;

I soar in between the clouds,

following the currents as do the

birds and search for a soft place

to land in case my flight is disturbed.

5.

if and when I stand up for what I believe,

there is always someone there who prevents

this free expression who wants to control

because they can...  

breaking down my

will and my compassion 

for my fellow man.

6.

this is a strange place in which I find

myself this saturday morning, filled

with people and families and couples

who want to share their time off;

this is a strange place for me because

I am alone and fell that I don't belong

and that everyone is looking at me

to see what the hell I'm doing here.

7.

I asm far from my home

this place I'm in today,

 as I wonder if I will ever

return to where I came from,

not really remembering what

it was like or why I left;

I am too far to drive

too far to walk

too far to call

but not too far to fly

if flying was the way to go;

my home is out of sight

and my mind most

of the time...   but, once

in a while I seem so alone.

8.

I wonmder if I would like to be

someone else...  I wonder how

my life would have changed;

I wonder if I have live many

lives before and have many

more lives  to go...  I wonder

why and then let it all go.

9.

we live in different worlds

but share this life...

there is no trust,

no compassion

no understanding...

there is only fear and doubt

and questions with all

the asnwers unresolved;

we have different values

ethics and integrity and we

know how to play the game

so that others will never see;

we cling to our insecurities

like a baby to its blanket

or a husband to his wife

but all we have in common is

we don't agree to disagree.

10.

I feel a little uneasy

about this marriage

and where it might

be going these days;

I feel a little uncomofortable

with how we feebly try

to get along while at the

same time starting arguments.