1.
we are so distant with each other
we just don't seem to care anymore,
while we may sleep close in bed,
during the day there is a sense of
careful alienation and an attitude
of indifference in everything we do.
2.
I am sure that you are feeling
what I am feeling and are looking
around like you did before in search
of someone to take you away while
in the meantime you play the game
and have secret meetings to check
out the available men at work.
3.
when did you start seeing other men?
it is funny in a way because had we both
put as much effort into each other as we
do into maintaining our distance and
not wanting to be controlledk then there
would have been not affairs on either side;
but, you cannot seem to commit to one
person for very long because of your
desire to search for security while at
the same time you make sure the man
with whom you are with knows that
you are not owned by him and if you
want to look around and check out
something potentially better that you
will and he must accept that fate.
4.
my weeks are now split between two jobs
neither of them at this point in time are
really permanent... however, one is moreso
than the other and I am fortunate that I have
these two incomes because it would appear
I am financially covered for a couple of years.
5.
I have nothing to fear except
the fear already present inside
me... I have nothing to do except
to master that which has been
controlling me all along my life.
light is beginning to fall all around me,
opening up the day for all of us,
the inside light swings back and forth
pushed by the breeze coming in
through the open window... my thoughts
hide the meaning of life from me
as I attempt to accept what it is...
longing for purpose and direction but
receiving neither... rain gently falls
on my newly seeded lawn... I am
pleased and looking forward to what
I will have once the straw disappears,
I am willing moreso than ever before
to give this life another try for you.
7.
I wonder how I am feeling or
should be feeling or would be
feeling if I thought the pills
were working... yet, there is
a change in my attitude and
behavior although I am not
sure that it may just be paying
attention to all of this now.
8.
four months into the year
the last one of this century
as well as of this decade
and I am a little closer to
that which I seek if that
which I am doing is what
will eventually get me there.
9.
we sleep side by side
we eat side by side
when we are home
together we work in
the yard side by side
and shop side by side,
we are not close at all
since there is a little
in us that's missing.
10.
it would appear that I can put
down my thoughts quite easily
when they are negative and
have trouble when they atre
positive... how wrong and
curious my focus has been.
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