maybe I should get away
for a few days and see how
I feel about being alone.
2.
we should get a divorce is
what she says so I should
try my best to change her mind,
or I should plan for the worst...
these questions are asked
everyday but no answers have
been forth coming and we
continue to live uncomfortably.
3.
I do not feel much like
waiting any more nor am
I excited about the jobs...
I see my life in neutral
not good or bad... it just is,
and I want it to be more...
much, much more yet
there is no incentive for
me to actually make it so.
4.
these pills have no effect on me
except to feel laissez faire about
myself and my life and I wish
just once that I could care about
more that I do and want to write
about what's good in my life
rather than what is wrong and I
wonder if my life will ever get
back to what many of you
refer to as being normal.
5.
I want to look into the future,
I want to have an answer to
all my questions but there are
no answers for me and I am
blinded to some degree, frozen
in time not knowing what to do.
6.
I have no ambition only a past and
a life that presently is in turmoil,
like a riot at the Bronx Zoo... I have
no life in my my thoughts... no beliefs
to play through... no likes or dislikes,
not even you... so, whatever I do
must be done on my own now.
7.
drift into space with me and let's
float into eternity... for if our world
were to dissolve, at least we would
have the momories from our journey.
8.
I do not know how to advise,
I do not see the writing on the wall,
nor do I see any future for you and I,
I have no choice but to remain inside
the womb of my own captivity
and just dream on what I cannot do.
9.
I feel very little these days
not good or bad... just numb,
almost indifferent to my life
and to all my surroundings;
there is little desire to write
or read or learn anything new,
a sense of apathy engulfs me,
I see no change coming soon.
10.
I have a history of abuse
ever since I was a small child
and I see little room for improvement;
my wife is in her own world
wanting me to step outside of mine,
and live my life the way
she wants me to live it... I want
to run and hide and never have to
deal with this frustration, but she
is relentless and I fear...
she will continue to abuse me.
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