Thursday, August 12, 2021

March 1999 - page 2

1.
my life is running in circles
my future is left to chance,
I see curtains closed in all
the rooms of your hourse
and it would appear there
is no sleep for me tonight;
my life is based upon the past
when I felt free and clear
and now there is no desire
to paint or write or photograph;
my life is somewhat set for
the next couple of years and
I trust I will control the madness
that grows between my ears.

2.
I reach out to be touched
and in return I have no
one reach out to me so
that I can be touched back.

3.
uncertainty prevails in my life
and my in direction, certainty
for the moment is in limbo,
I have a doctor to prescribe pills
for ne and a therapist to listen
to me but nether can help
orchestrate my future and the
older I get the less chance I 
have for a sound recovery.

4.
I see pain in your eyes
and it reflects just north
of where I want to be
and I see my mother
holding another baby.

5.
there is no longer fun in
this marriage of ours if
the least little thing is said
that you don't want to hear,
then it is a cold shoulder
between the two of us for
several days...  with each of
us thinking the other person
is having an affair or is
planning to have an affair.

6.
I have a chance to improve myself
and I don't really feel any better
today than I did a few months ago.

7.
I have an image in my mind
of what you will be like but
I have never been able to
find you to see if I am right.

8.
I have a life that few would want
yet, it is something that I promised
myself I would adhere to, at least,
for a while anyway just to see.

9.
we drift father and farther
apart each day and neither
of us has the desire to do
a damn thing to stop it.

10.
I look at you and I wonder
why your are here...  or,
whey I am here...  because,
our lives together have not
been good after the first year.


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